Long John Comes Out As Chick-Fil-A Wars Escalate
The fast food wars heated up today as restaurant icons took sides in the increasingly hostile Chick-Fil-A debate. The controversy began when Chick-Fil-A honcho Dan Cathay spoke out against gay marriage late last week. Since then, drag queens have bee...
Read full storyEntire US declared No Fly Zone as Romney plane leaves Israel!
In a move unprecedented in US history, the entire United States was declared a No Fly Zone early today by the Federal Aviation Administration just after the Romney jetliner left Israel. "Pure coincidence," says FAA Acting Administrator Michael P. Hue...
Read full storyJeremy Kyle To Host New ITV Show 'That's My Bastard!'
ITV have announced that their new Saturday night reality show 'That's My Bastard!' will be hosted by everyone's favourite King of Sneering, Jeremy Kyle. The controversial show will replace Paddy McGuiness' awful 'Take Me Out'. In the show, abs...
Read full storySteve Gold: The Death Of A Footballing Legend
Controversial former Leicester City and England footballer Steve Gold has died aged 50. The legendary striker was found unconscious in his squalid Leicester flat by police after a local off-license owner became concerned for his safety. Police confirmed the news earlier today. Laura Pintage, proprietor of the 'Booze Till You Snooze' off-license told us, "Steve was a regular in the shop. S...
Read full storyAgeing Madonna booed off of stage in Paris because she could only manage 45 minutes!
Angry Madonna fans in Paris threw plastic bottles and booed after she "done a runner" after only 45 minutes. In fact she didn't even sing a word because the show was done in play-back. In the press conference after the show Madonna admitted the fo...
Read full storyUFO in Stratford from the Stratosphere Unimpressive
When people watching the Olympics' fireworks display at the end of a tedious march of nations saw something in the evening sky, it was not a bird, a plane, nor Superman. If NBC wanted great ratings, they have apparently caught the interest of thos...
Read full storyQueen to play Helen Mirren in Biopic
After her much trumpeted acting debut at the understated Olympic opening ceremony, the Queen's Hollywood career looks set to begin. Universal are understood to be in talks with her majesty about a film chronicling the life and times of Helen Mirre...
Read full storyPM Orders More Troops To Olympic Village Following Friday's Security Breach!
The Prime Minister has ordered two hundred additional troops to be deployed at London's Olympic Village as a result of the now confirmed breach of security there last Friday night when a black cat somehow managed to slip iundetected into the main Oly...
Read full storyLack of interest in interest rates
The Bank of England is worried about the public's lack of interest in its interest rates. With current rates of interest now at a historic 0.5 per cent low, "people are just not interested," said the Governor. "In fact, the public's level of inter...
Read full storyRomney in Jerusalem: "That's one wail of a wall you got there, guys!"
According to the press corps traveling with the Romney campaign the trip to Israel was to be the crowning moment of a world tour that, as yet, had been a disaster. Campaign aides breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that Israeli Prime MinisterBenja...
Read full storyHair Loss is Wes Welker's Gain
Wes Welker must have liked the look on Tom Brady's face. Though no one close to the star QB of the New England Patriots has admitted (under penalty of a curt email from Giselle Bundchen) that Tom had hair plugs into his skull, those close to the f...
Read full storyBritain applauded for filling stadiums with tiny people
The British Olympic committee have been applauded by the World Equality Movement for giving over so many seats at Olympic venues to very tiny people. "We're very pleased with how many seats have been given over to people with diminished stature,"...
Read full storyFifty Shades of Gold for British Olympic team
British Olympians were expected to have picked up at least one gold so far, with the Road Cycling team failing miserably to do so, and Rebecca Adlington also failing to earn a phone call from Cash 4UR Gold. "It's been a little disappointing," said...
Read full storyJames Taylor recruits Carole King to help with 2nd Test debut preparations
James and Carole. It's a partnership we all remember from the early 1970's as Laurel Canyon spawned numerous now iconic bands and performers in those heady Hotel Californian days. With the news that the famous US singer songwriter James Taylor has...
Read full storyRomney Thinks Speech to Wildly Cheering KKK Rally Not Racist As Long As He Calls Obama Everything but 'Black'
Mitt Romney's curious, unconvincing, some may even say farcical and long winded assertion to a Klan rally here today that his attacks on what he called "the very bad exotic looking socialist Christian... excuse me, atheist or Muslim, take your pick,...
Read full storyBritain Suspends NATO Membership For Duration Of Olympics
As the world settles down to watch the London 2012 Olympic Games, the British Olympic Committee and Downing Street are staring in horror at tens of thousands of empty seats at the various sporting venues. Many sports fans have complained at the l...
Read full storyDane Cook's Goose Is Cooked!
LOS ANGELES - Ling Chow Rangoon with the iRumors News Agency has just stated that Dane Cook has just joined the ranks of fellow insensitive jerks such as Gilbert Gottfried and Tracy Morgan. And Cook accomplished that by making extremely inappropri...
Read full storySelected Political News for W/E 29th July 2012 - with comments
Monday 22nd July 2012 Topic: "I'd form a new coalition with Ed Miliband: Nick Clegg says he's open to working with Labour" Source: The People Extract: Nick Clegg would form a coalition with Ed Miliband in the next government, he told The People. The Lib Dem leader could even stay on as Deputy PM if a general election replaced one governing party with another. His new boss would...
Read full storyMy Senior Moments: W/E: 28th July 2012
Sunday 22nd July * Arthritis, impetigo, angina and hernia all easier today... well this morning, but the ulcer is giving me gip. Really thought it had gone, ages since any bother, but started again a few days ago. Got to see GP's nurse in the morning (if I remember), so will ask for a prescription for Aludrox SA... oh, they stopped doing that a while ago. * Cuppa and medications, carbolicali...
Read full storyNottingham News: For W/E: 29th July 2012 - With Comments
Sunday 22nd July 2012 Topic: Crime - CCTV "Mower thief caught out by camera in victim's van" Source: This is Nottingham (Stills from the camera included) Extract: An opportunistic thief was captured stealing a lawnmower by a hidden camera in the victim's van. Shauna Ford, 50, of Hucknall, bought the £22 video camera on eBay six months ago. She installed it under the rear-view mir...
Read full storyBristol Palin Says "No Sex" Until Marriage
WASILLA, Alaska - Bristol Palin, the 21-year-old unmarried mother of 3-year-old Tripp Johnston has suddenly become the unofficial spokesperson for young teen girls. Bristol "The Pistol" as her mother, Sarah "The Snowflake" Palin calls her, got pre...
Read full storyLady Gaga To Make Her Acting Debut
HOLLYWOOD - Lady Gaga has stated that it is time for her to go from the concert lights to the movie lights as she announces she has just signed to appear in her very first motion picture. The New York singer will be appearing in the Robert Rodrigu...
Read full storyArea man meets soulmate on subway, does nothing
CHICAGO, IL--Copy editor Preston Parks sat next to his soulmate Amy Gammel on a short subway ride Monday, but declined to strike up a conversation with the woman who is his absolute emotional, mental, and physical match. Although the two had appro...
Read full storyKaty Perry Reveals She's Infatuated With Tom Cruise
MIAMI - Katy Perry decided to get away from the hustle and bustle of LaLaLand and flew over to Miami for some much needed fun in the Florida sun. She was photographed by Picasso Mandolin, one of the world's foremost celebrity photographers wearing...
Read full storySarah Palin Eats At Chic-Fil-A
HOUSTON - Sarah "The Loose Moose" showed up in the Lone Star state to campaign for Senator Teddy Cruz. She was accompanied by her husband Todd the "Snowmobiler" and the two looked like typical tourists with Mama Palin wearing a pair of pink Rememb...
Read full storyDick Cheney Confesses He's Hot for Sarah Palin
During the same interview in which Dick Cheney said that Sarah Palin wouldn't make a good Vice President of the United States, Cheney went on to confess that he thought she had great tits, a nice ass, and would probably be a real firecracker in bed.
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