Nottingham News: For W/E: 29th July 2012 - With Comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Monday, 30 July 2012

image for Nottingham News: For W/E: 29th July 2012 - With Comments
To be sprayed pink in Nottingham! (Saturday)

Sunday 22nd July 2012

Topic: Crime - CCTV

"Mower thief caught out by camera in victim's van"

Source: This is Nottingham (Stills from the camera included)

Extract: An opportunistic thief was captured stealing a lawnmower by a hidden camera in the victim's van.

Shauna Ford, 50, of Hucknall, bought the £22 video camera on eBay six months ago.

She installed it under the rear-view mirror of her Suzuki van in case anyone damaged it while it was parked, or she had an accident.

And when her lawnmower was taken from outside a friend's house in Whitemoor estate on Wednesday morning, she knew where to look.

"My first thought was that it had been taken by scrap collectors," said Ms Ford, of Lancaster Road.

"But when I got home I looked through the footage until I found this guy stealing it.

"I thought 'gotcha' - it is going to be very hard for the guy to deny it now. It is £22 very well spent."

The video footage from the camera shows the thief - dressed in a blue and white tracksuit - ride past on his bike at around 10.50am.

He then turns the bike around, walks into the driveway and disappears, before walking past the camera with the lawnmower.

He walks out of shot, before coming back without it to retrieve his bike.

Comment: Great news!

Monday 23rd July 2012

Topic: Forest - Recreation

"Nottingham's Forest Recreation Ground to get £5m upgrade"

Source: BBC News

Extract: More than £5m is to be spent on improvements to a park in Nottingham.

The money will be spent on upgrading paths, toilets and plant areas at the Forest Recreation Ground as well as restoring its Grade-II listed lodge.

Entrances at the park will also be improved and a new cafe and "sports zone" are to be created.

The £5.1m improvements are being funded by the National Lottery after a group of organisations, including Nottingham City Council, bid for the cash.

Preparation work, including the demolition of the park's bowls pavilion, has already taken place.

Comment: I noticed the preparation by demolishing the bowling green earlier in the year, just before they built the free to use field of exercising machines for this years rioters to keep fit on.

Tuesday 24th July 2012

Topic: Murder (What else?) - Crime

"Four years for Bilborough man who killed wife at Christmas"

Source: This is Nottingham

Extract: A "Volatile relationship" ended in tragedy when a man stabbed his wife to death on Christmas Day last year.

Stephen Woodward's marriage to his wife Gillian had been blighted by her drinking habits, Nottingham Crown Court heard.

The couple had been due to have their daughter, son-in-law and two-year-old granddaughter around for Christmas dinner at their home in Bosden Close, Bilborough.

But an argument that morning led to Stephen Woodward leaving the house at around noon.

He ended up going to a pub, where he had two double vodkas and two pints of lager before returning later in the day.

He stabbed his wife, 56, in the chest with a kitchen knife and also injured himself.

Police were called after the couple were found at 3.45pm.

Stephen Woodward, also 56, was arrested and charged with murder, to which he pleaded not guilty.

His trial had been due to start yesterday but he pleaded guilty to manslaughter, which was accepted by the Crown Prosecution Service.

Martin Heslop, defending, said his client had suffered from depression, which contributed to what happened on Christmas Day.

Comment: Four years eh? That'll be a comfort women throughout the country!

Thursday 26th July 2012

Topic: Stay at home Mums

"Cherie Blair recently launched a scathing attack on stay-at-home mums"

Source: This is Nottingham

Extract: At an event that included powerful women from business, Government and the media, she made a statement claiming that so-called "yummie mummies" depend on their husbands.

One stay-at-home mum from Clifton, who didn't want to be named, doesn't believe Mrs Blair has thought about her claim completely. She said: "Mothers shouldn't depend on their husbands, but sometimes they have no choice.

"What about mothers with medical issues who can't work? Did Mrs Blair think about this before she made her rash statement?"

Comment: Perhaps when hubby Tony gets back at number ten, he can tax stay-at-home-Mums... raise enough to attack the Isle of Man maybe?

Friday 27th July 2012

Topic: QMC - City Hospital - NHS - Peter Homa

"Nottingham hospital boss apologises with charity run"

Source: BBC News

Extract: The chief executive of Nottingham's NHS hospitals joined a charity race to apologise for thousands of cancelled operations this year.

Peter Homa was challenged to run the Race For Life at Clumber Park on Sunday by the family of a cancer patient whose surgery was delayed four times!

Comment: Well if that clears Homa's conscience... he hasn't got one!

Saturday 28th July 2012

Topic: Parks - Dog-Poo - Council

"Think pink to battle the dog mess menace"

Source: This is Nottingham

Extract: Neighbourhood wardens patrolling Hickings Lane and Ilkeston Road recreation grounds will be spraying today.

And the idea may be extended to other parks in the borough if it is successful in making the parks cleaner.

It is hoped the pink spray will highlight the amount of mess, shocking owners into changing their habits and making them clean up after their dogs.

Councillor Stan Heptinstall, cabinet member for environment, said: "As we are now in the school holiday period, we want to see more people enjoying the parks in the borough without having their time ruined by inconsiderate dog owners who leave their pets' mess.

Comment: I'm speechless!

Sunday 29th July 2012

Topic: Crime- Stabbing - Violence

"Four held after boy hurt in West Bridgford stabbing"

Source: BBC News

Extract: Police were called to reports of a disturbance in Edward Road, West Bridgford, at 00:05 BST.

The injured 17-year-old boy was taken to Queen's Medical Centre where his condition is described as stable.

An 18-year-old man and three teenagers, aged 14, 15 and 16, were arrested and remain in police custody. They will be interviewed later.

A cordon is in place at the scene and Bridgford Park has been closed.

Comment: With 288 Nottingham policemen away policing the London Olympics, don't hold out too much hope for justice to be served!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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