City Legend Mike Summerbee Banking On A 12-0 City Win
Manchester City FC legend, Mike "Tra la la la" Summerbee is apparently confident that City will put a tidy dozen past local rivals, United, in Sunday's FA Cup 3rd Round battle of the giants. And following City's 6-1 demolition of the Stretford via...
Read full storyHomeless Woman Cries Out To God For Help - God Too Busy Helping Denver Broncos
New York City - A homeless woman here cried out to God to help her find food to feed her and her three year-old child, saying, "Oh, please, God. Don't let my baby die!" God replied an hour later. "I had to tell her 'no way,'" God said. "I realize...
Read full storyMental powers decline after 45
Alcohol researchers have finally discovered that heavy drinking affects the brain. After 44 unsuccessful results, researchers at Carlsburg University recently came up with a winning study. They got 10,000 'initially reluctant' volunteers to consum...
Read full storyUK government considering plan for trains capable of over 20mph
Ministers are considering plans to build a "high speed" train link between London and Dorking. This would allow Dorking residents to travel to the nation's capital at the hitherto unheard of speed of 23mph. Trains on the line currently chug along at...
Read full storyRich, spoiled person stuns world by doing something selfish
Elin Nordegren, the ex wife of Tiger Woods sent shock waves through the world when she destroyed her 12 million dollar home recently. A spokesman for Woods said he "found it hard to believe that a privileged and obscenely wealthy young woman wi...
Read full storyA Cancer Full Moon for Kate Middleton's '30th' on Monday
London - Notable portents so far include the ex-Royal Yacht Britannia sinking in Scotland, Jamaica dumping Queen Elizabeth as head of state and a young woman's body discovered on the Sandringham estate. On Monday Kate Middleton will put all this b...
Read full storyPope names 22 cardinals
Rome - He's pointing the finger at Sicilian-born Monsignor Vinnie 'The Gobbler' Mortadella, ex-Grand Master of the Order of the Holy Drive-By Shooting and sometime wannabe archbishop of Chicago, Illinois. Also fingered in this morning's announceme...
Read full storyFugitive Lib Dem Fraudster, Nick Clegg, arrested
Multi-millionaire fraudster and Liberal Democrat "leader" has been arrested in the Dominican Republic after going on the run, police said. Clegg was sentenced to five years "coalition" after perpetrating his fraud at Westminster in 2010. He...
Read full storyWho Wants Health & Safety?
All red tape and bureaucracy is the target for the Government which wants to free up the business world. A shining example has come to light in the private health initiative which has been providing breast implants. Funding the cheapest possible opti...
Read full storyExtended battery life for laptops
Researchers at Manchester University of Science and Technology have discovered how to extend the battery life of laptops by inserting a piezoelectric strip underneath the keyboard. "Basically," said head researcher Tam O'Gotchi, "the more you type...
Read full storyPompey Urged To Go Easy On Chelsea
As the third round of the FA Cup arrives, most fans lick their lips in anticipation of excitement and upsets. But one fan is hoping his second-tier team will take pity on their Premier League opponents. Portsmouth "super fan" Jake Seaport is ur...
Read full storyEamonn Holmes says Manchester United fans 'starved' of success
SKY tv presenter and disgruntled celebrity Manchester united fan Eammon 'donut' Holmes spoke out today about his beloved United's poor run of form and recent downgrading by credit rating agencies S&P, Moodys and Fitch. "The whole thing is a s...
Read full storyDancing On Ice And Big Brother Return... Watch Wipeout, Says TV Repair Man
As Celebrity Big Brother and Dancing On Ice return to our screens, shadowy vigilante organisation TV Repair Man has issued a new warning to producers and schedulers. "Ignore these warnings and accept the consequences," the organisation said in a c...
Read full storyManchester United rating downgraded by Fitch, Moodys and S&P
The Manchester United business empire was in freefall this morning after the three major credit rating agencies downgraded their risk from triple A to C minus. The downgrading comes after an embarrassing run of results on the pitch over a few mon...
Read full storyNottingham News for W/E 7th Jan 2012 - with comments
1st Jan 2012: A ceremony to remember those who lost their lives as a result of violent crime in Nottinghamshire is held Category: Crime - Remembrance - Service 'The Mansfield Chad' Nottinghamshire Police fully supported the memorial service, which was held at St Andrew's Church, Mansfield Road, Nottingham. The service which included songs, readings and poems to promote 'togetherness' and 's...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Thirty-Eight
A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 71 Redundancies suffered 1960s: Where from: HM Forces, R.A.M.C. Why: Newly diagnosed medical condition. (Duodenal ulcers) 1970s: Where from: Private Store Manager Why: Owner sold business 1980s: Where from: Carters Drinks Why: Massive cutbacks to enable sell...
Read full storyNew Weekly Part Work - Build Your Own Gibson Les Paul!
That's right! You too can join great axemen like Slash and play your very own Gibson Les Paul electric guitar. This prestigious instrument has long been the guitar of choice for ace rock players and has been heard on some of the greatest tunes ever to hit the airwaves. Now you can build your own with this weekly publication. Every week you will receive a quality part with a specially-written...
Read full storyImage of Christ seen in plastic Jesus plate - Is the savior microwave safe?!
Is this savior plate microwave safe? Or a microwave sin? Theologians and religious scholars convene for a special counsel at the Vatican this week to discuss whether The Church is prepared to label this plastic Jesus plate as a sanctified "microwavable miracle" or just a cheap piece of crap. The prized piece of plastic controversial dinnerware seemed to display an uncanny likeness of the C...
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