UK government considering plan for trains capable of over 20mph

Written by MonkeyInTheBath

Saturday, 7 January 2012

image for UK government considering plan for trains capable of over 20mph
Trains: not safe for people or livestock

Ministers are considering plans to build a "high speed" train link between London and Dorking. This would allow Dorking residents to travel to the nation's capital at the hitherto unheard of speed of 23mph. Trains on the line currently chug along at a respectable 14mph, which was the British speed record until as recently as 2004.

Dorking Town Council has expressed concern at the plans. Councillor Herman Goring said, "It is not safe for a human being to travel in a train at over 20mph because your eyes would pop out. China may have high speed railways which go at 600 kilometres per hour, but I am reliably informed that that is only 5 miles per hour in proper units."

The planned line would be a magnetic railway. That is, the train would be pulled along by a giant magnet attached to the back of a lorry which would drive along the nearby A24.

If the plans go ahead, construction on the line could begin as early as March 2030.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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