Extended battery life for laptops

Funny story written by IainB

Saturday, 7 January 2012

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Researchers at Manchester University of Science and Technology have discovered how to extend the battery life of laptops by inserting a piezoelectric strip underneath the keyboard.

"Basically," said head researcher Tam O'Gotchi, "the more you type, the harder you type, the longer the battery lasts."

A spokesperson for the estate of Barbara Cartland says this will be a boon to laptop owners everywhere.

"It's a shame they didn't invent this technology thirty years ago," said Beth Cartland, of the Cartland Writer's Estate. "Or laptops for that matter. My mother could have powered the house from her laptop. Had she had one. With this technology."

Researchers have inserted this electrical recuperation technology into ordinary laptops, retrofitting them to recharge the battery via keystrokes.

"We've noticed," said O'Gotchi, "that people who use the laptops rely less on the mouse or mouse pad when they know that typing will increase the battery life."

According to O'Gotchi, when the low battery indicator flashes, users of the new device will instead increase their typing speed, and use more keyboard shortcuts in order to get the battery back up ot full power.

"It's almost like a challenge to them," said O'Gotchi.

Other uses of this technology are already being explored, such as powering alarm clocks and bedside lamps from the tossing and turning of insomniacs.

"We also believe that we can power mobile devices by simply inserting two strips into shoes," said O'Gotchi. "Joggers with MP3 players will never need to recharge again, whilst hikers can carry GPS equipment powered simply by hiking. We're looking at a revolution in battery power."

Apple are said to be furious that they hadn't thought of this, so that they could patent it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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