Pippa Middleton was to have been the face of the PIP breast implant, bwahaha...
London - The ad campaign for the Poly Implant Prothese mammary jellies has gone on the wobble after Pippa Middleton flip-flopped over contractual terms. Secret organic ingredients thought to be Medusa jellyfish hybrids, have been hit hard by EU au...
Read full storyLondon Borough Of Ealing Declared International Dark-Sky Reserve
London's astronomers are over the moon at the announcement that the London Borough of Ealing has been declared an International Dark-Sky Reserve. 'London is an international centre of excellence for numerous endeavours,' explained Mayor of London,...
Read full storyWoman accused of fart attack
A 56-year-old woman allegedly caused £10,000 worth of damage in the Tate Gallery of Modern Art. She ruined an Andy Warhol painting valued at around £10m by pointing her bare arse at it and letting rip with a series of thunderous and vicious farts.
Read full storyNew Film Shows Thatcher's Weaker Side
A new film hits the cinema this week which aims to portray former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in a new light. The film, called "The Iron Deficiency Lady" shows a more human side than the public were used to seeing during her 12 years in power.
Read full story"Baker Street" sax mix-up man dies
The man best known for playing saxophone on the 1978 Gerry Rafferty hit "Baker Street" has died. However, Bob Holness, aged 83, didn't actually play on the track at all. For the last thirty years, Holness has been cursed with being identified with...
Read full storyKanye West Develops Economic Recovery Plan for Rick Santorum
Soon after West's announcement for the creation of a multi-national, multi-divisional think tank, manufacturing and service based organization, Rick Santorum recruited West to be his chief economic advisor. The DONDA Company was conceived by Kanye...
Read full storyU.S. twin births have doubled in past 30 years leading to twice as much bullshit: study
HARFOLD, Vt. - According to a study released this week by Harfold State College, twin births in the United States have doubled in the past three decades. This, in turn, has led to parents having to deal with the twice the amount of bullshit dished...
Read full storyUK men hate their beer-bellies but just love their beer!
A survey has been conducted in the UK asking males what they dislike and like the most about themselves. It seems that the thing they hate most is their beer-bellies and the thing they love most is guzzling huge amounts of beer! Many UK men would...
Read full story'CSI: Kardashian' Puts the Madcap Back into Murder
Hollywood, California - CBS has launched a fourth version of its Crime Scene Investigation series, but with a twist. This time, the show plays forensics for fun, with members of America's least talented but most publicized showbiz family filling the...
Read full storyITV announce competitors for 'Skating With Nobodies'
ITV today unveiled the new list of nobodies destined to fill our screens for the next 9 and a half weeks making prats of themselves in the name of showbiz and a higher than normal cheque compared to the minimum wage on offer in Burger King. The li...
Read full storyPope Benedict in Alzheimers Names Kendall Jenner and Kylie Kardinals
It's hard to keep up with the Kardashians Kris, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner. Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner just rocketed to the top of the nekts generation when Pope Benedict XVI named 22 new Cardinals today including Kendall J...
Read full storyAfter Announcing That She Has Not Done 'The Horizontal Hokey Pokey' In Two Years, Charlize Theron Has Received Thousands and Thousands of Offers
TARZANA - Noted film star Charlize Theron was recently spotted visiting The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo in Tarzana. The very attractive actress says that she loves spending time at the zoo because it brings back childhood memories of when she wa...
Read full storyLewis beats Hamilton in World Darts Grand Prix final
In the final of the darts grand prix last night, Adrian Lewis beat Andy Hamilton in a pulsating final that was almost as interesting as watching men drive cars very fastly round a circular track for hours on end until waved to stop by a flag. Afte...
Read full storyCelebrity to appear on Celebrity Big Brother TV show
There is exciting news that a celebrity is to appear on this year's lack-of-reality TV series, "Celebrity Big Brother". The celebrity - who can't be named for legal reasons as well as for reasons of sheer embarrassment - joins the show after her c...
Read full storyMental Decline Begins As Early As 45 Says New How's-your-father
Our brains start to deteriorate from as young as 45, according to a thingy - you know, a wossname - published yesterday... or was it the day before? Anyway, where was I? Oh yes... this thingy, in the online version of the British Medical Journal,...
Read full storyAlmost 100,000 new London Olympics tickets become available
The London Olympic organisers have today revealed that thousands of tickets to the London 2012 Olympics have now suddenly become available. In a hastily-convened press reception at the Old Vic in the East End of London, Lord Notcoe, a spokesperso...
Read full storyRodent population has soared since Larry the Downing Street cat's arrival
London - "They may be attracted to the pungent trail of Nick Clegg's er, aftershave," head of No 10 policy research admitted this morning, "you just can't compete with that sort of pong if you're a cat without balls." Reports that the neutered mog...
Read full storyTransfer Window: Man United, Chelsea, Liverpool prepare bid for Everton's Tim Howard
The biggest clubs in the England 'EPL' were today 'preparing bids' to secure the services of the premiershites latest goalscoring sensation, Americanish tourette sufferer Timothy Howard. The Everton net buster and occasional goal stopper marked hi...
Read full storyTelevision Talent Show Transfer Window Opens
January is always a busy time of year for tv talent shows as the increasingly written about 'transfer window' opens and top telly shows scramble to secure the services of a established judge or rising star. The first big name transfer of the new...
Read full storyEconomic Recipes for Nottingham Residents
We show the unemployed and minimum wage earning Nottingham residents, just how they can tantalise their epiglottis, economically. Even in the current financial strife, the common riot torn, criminal ridden, muggings galore, Nottingham peoples find themselves in today. The recipes presented here, were donated by Nottingham unemployed citizens, prisoners, security guards, NHS patients, minimum w...
Read full storyX-Factor's Simon Cowell Admits He's Thinking About Replacing Nicole Scherzinger With Cheryl Cole
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Word on the streets of LaLaLand is that the X-Factor mogul and judge Simon Cowell is contemplating making a big change for next season. According to iRumors Cowell AKA "The Prince of Put Downs" stated that he has received lots of...
Read full storyNina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, and Paul Wesley Return For Season 3 on The Vampire Diaries
HOLLYWOOD - The Vampire Diaries kicked off season number three with a real bang as Alaric (Matt Davis) launched a bottle rocket that almost hit Caroline (Candice Accola) on her cowlick and landed on a hay pile which quickly started a fire that burned...
Read full storyKardishian Sisters Get 'Dolled-Up'
Kimee, Khloee and Kourtnee Kardishian are about to get all dolled up. Literally! A source tells Star Talk Weekly that Matt-Tell will immortalize these super deluxe mega sisters via an upcoming limited-edition 'Boobie' line that "will reflect the g...
Read full storyNewt Gingrich Requests Saint Anselm Debate Be Done In Nude To Offset Romney's Mormon Lucky Underwear
Manchester, New Hampshire - Newt Gingrich, shaken by his fourth place finish in the Iowa Caucus, requested that all of the candidates appearing Saturday night at Saint Anselms appear sans clothing so that Mitt Romney would not gain an unfair advantag...
Read full storyThe Adventure Of The Missing Christmas Goose Pt III; A Festive Shylock Humes Mystery
Inspector Stanley Livingstone Stanley and I stood in the sitting room at 221b Candlestick Maker Street, waiting for Shylock Humes to emerge from his bedroom. I had donned my Littlehampton waterproof coat with detachable 24 inch cape, in navy worsted serge. I was forced to wear the worsted one. My bestest coat had been at the Chinese laundry for a week or two, along with my Harris Tweed duck-sho...
Read full storyRecycled Republicans
SCENARIO- A secret laboratory deep underground beneath the American Heritage Think Tank And Karaoke Lounge in Washington. It is a room filled with strange scientific paraphernalia- tubes transporting strangely colored liquids run here and there connecting into buzzing machines. Varied colored indicator lights flicker on and off. All of these things seem to center upon a mysterious, human-shaped ch...
Read full story