The biggest clubs in the England 'EPL' were today 'preparing bids' to secure the services of the premiershites latest goalscoring sensation, Americanish tourette sufferer Timothy Howard.
The Everton net buster and occasional goal stopper marked his first appearance of 2012 with a 100 yard 'screamer' against Greater Manchester's third best team, Bolton Roverers. The player refused to celebrate as he had sympathy for the Boltonian net minder, Net Minderson from Hungaria.
Despite busting the net, Howards team went on to lose the crucial mid-table v mid-bottom match, and bosses at Everton are now worried they cannot hold on to their new goal buster.
Manchester United boss Sir Alex Fergieson congratulated his former player on scoring into the net and joked "I think I played him out of position when he was at Fold Traford. He is a much better net finder than net minder. But still better than my current net minder."
Chelsea boss Aston Villa Borish reportedly asked his chairman to 'please please please buy the Everton net destroyer for me - offer them Russian roubles and the Spanish grass eater Fernando"
Everton won't be happy to sell to controversial near neighbours Liverpool, who have a reputation for past and present players who are famous for tripe that comes out of their mouth - with his sweary illness Howard would definitely feel at home.
Arsenal are the only big club unlikely to be tempted as they have just signed the 84 year old Tery Henry.
When asked to comment on transfer speculation this morning Howard's response was short - "F*** OFF B*LL*CKS"
