Written by radiogagger

Friday, 6 January 2012


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image for ITV announce competitors for 'Skating With Nobodies'
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ITV today unveiled the new list of nobodies destined to fill our screens for the next 9 and a half weeks making prats of themselves in the name of showbiz and a higher than normal cheque compared to the minimum wage on offer in Burger King.

The line-up of nobodies includes:

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  • An actor from Coronation St;
  • An actor from Emmerdale;
  • The oldest ever member of a girl band not yet sacked or replaced;
  • A radio presenter from a regional station;
  • An actor who hasn't even appeared in casualty or the Bill;
  • An actress from Dallas;
  • A singer who was turned down by Celebrity Big Brother;
  • A sportsman from a sport not broadcast on terrestrial tv;
  • Somebody who once slept with a footballer;
  • Somebody who once hacked a phone and hasn't yet been to jail;
  • Someone who once had their phone hacked and had her name in the paper.

The show will be presented by the grey haired bloke who presents all the ITV shows not presented by the two dwarves from the north east. He is best known for presenting the ITV mid-morning show. His co-host will be the woman who used to present the ITV breakfast show after leaving her presenters job on the BBC early evening show. She has recently been sacked from the ITV breakfast show. She replaces the ITV presenter with the big breasts who used to present Dancing With The Nobodies but is now very busy still presenting the ITV mid-morning show, a saucy late night panel show and breastfeeding her children from her big breasts.

The show will be judged by a gay man, a bald man, a woman who is not a spice girl as she is too very busy breastfeeding her children and presening a weekend radio show where she plays records sung by her friends, and an ice skater. There will be advert breaks in between the nobodies skating, and there will be a high profile sponsor of the show.

For more information, please contact the ITV press office, or refer to last years very similar press release.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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