Josama Bin Biden Tells Barack Hussein Obama Not To Take Out Osama Bin Laden
BILLINGSGATE POST - Vice President Josama Bin Biden confessed this weekend that he advised President Barack Hussein Obama not to launch the mission that ultimately killed Osama Bin Laden. Whew! That was a tongue twister. During remarks to fell...
Read full storyObama Urged to Consider Gay Marriage
Washington, D.C.-President Obama has been urged by gay rights activists to once again consider gay marriage after another very public falling out with his wife, Michelle. Rumors about the couple's difficulties have been circulating for months but too...
Read full story5 out of 7 women use supermarket own brand toilet paper
A new study has found that, far from the luxury lifestyle women puport to have, the ladies of today are more than happy to clear away their business with own-brand low-grade toilet roll. Out of all women asked in the survey 3 were happy to tell u...
Read full storyTransfer Window: Harry Redknapp determined to do a deal...
Having been in court for the last week and a half, on charges of tax evasion, and now a league game on the actual day the transfer window closes, Harry Redknapp could have been excused if there was no coming or going at White Hart Lane today, but the...
Read full storyFreddie Mac to be downgraded from 'Satan incarnate' to 'Satan's minion'
McLEAN, Va. - The nation is in utter shock to learn this week that the taxpayer-owned mortgage giant, Freddie Mac, is actually out to turn a profit. For the past two years, Freddie Mac has been placing multibillion-dollar bets that homeowners won'...
Read full storyBBC imports another Scandinavian "slow paced" drama
Following the success of Danish drama "Snegl Løb" (Snail Race) and Danish tragedy "Se Mug Vokse" (Watching Mould Grow), the BBC has imported another Scandinavia drama to show on its TV channel for pretentious snobs, BBC4. Entitled "Maling Tørker"...
Read full storyImplant scandal after goldfish found in breast
Fly by night cosmetic surgery slashers Body-morph have admitted that some of there implants might contain goldfish, although they assure patients that there is no risk from cancer from the fish. The scandal came to light, after a woman complained...
Read full storyTransfer Deadline Day: Liverpool sign Celtic
In one of the more unexpected transfer deadline day deals Liverpool have signed the entire playing squad, coaching staff and fan base of top Scottish club Glasgow Celtic. Kenny Dalglish, Liverpool manager and also one of Celtic's most legendary pl...
Read full storyPrime Minister admits Impotent Bewilderment at EU Guile
The UK Prime Minister David Cameron admitted to MPs during his statement this afternoon to the House of Commons on yesterday's EU emergency summit that he really had no idea how cunning and manipulative his European Union partners could be in circumv...
Read full storySutton St James armed siege as cops fear another crazed 'Raoul Moat' incident
Lincolnshire - The Lincolnshire village is in emergency lockdown following reports of an armed siege and shots being fired at a police patrol car. "We could have another crazed Raoul Moat scenario on our hands," local cabbie Norbert Speeny tweeted...
Read full storySuper Bowl Controversy: National Anthem Will Be Replaced with a Dodge Ad
Indianapolis -- Football fans watching Super Bowl XLVI can remain seated during the pregame ceremonies this year, because the singing of The Star-Spangled Banner will be preempted by a television commercial for Dodge trucks. "At $7 million a minut...
Read full storyRectal Surgery and Specialty Trousers New Weight Loss Trend
With many Americans unable to change life long eating habits, a new medical procedure coupled with prosthetic pants may be the desirable answer. Developed by Dr. C. Emmett Sakatt a colorectal surgical specialist with extraordinarily long fingers,...
Read full storySnowdrop swastika sprouts outside Queen's palace bedroom
London - A patch of lawn peed on by generations of her rabid corgi mutts has suddenly sprouted an emblem of Queen Elizabeth's family crest. Baffled palace gardeners noticed some unusual blood-red splashes on snowdrop petals during routine scarific...
Read full storyRich No Longer Have The Padding Of The Poor To Protect Them From The Realities Of Life
Tragedy has hit the upper levels of our society today as the economic crisis has caused many of the rich to lose their cushion of poor people that have previously protected them from having to experience the basics of life. Many of the rich now have...
Read full storyBacon & Sedgwick Doomed, Kyra Sports Fresh Tattoo
The relationship kiss of death was spotted on the red carpet in Hollywood this week, as Kyra Sedgewick displayed a fresh Kevin Bacon tribute tattoo before entering the 2012 SAG awards. Following in the footsteps of other Hollywood couples who se...
Read full storyJurassic Palace Park
It had not been a good decade or so, for the Royal Family since Princess Diana had been murdered. Their popularity wasn't what it was and the Queen was concerned about their steady decline and the loss of public funding. After all she had three lazy and useless sons to care for. She had been thinking it over and over for a solution to this problem for months, without any success. Then one eve...
Read full storyThe X-Factor Massacre - Simon Cowell Fires Paula Abdul, Nicole Scherzinger, and Steve Jones
HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell, the man behind X-Factor has just demonstrated why one of his many nicknames "The Count of Cruelty" fits him to a T...shirt. The 52-year-old entrepreneur who brought American Idol, America's Got Talent, and X-Factor to the...
Read full storyShock as Toddler wanders off from creche
A four year old child wandered out of a town centre crèche today, sparking off a massive hunt. The unnamed toddler was left in the care of KIDZ PLACE nursery and subsequently went missing between story time and snack time. Unbelievably the tod...
Read full storyBrazilian Blowout Claims American Victim, Ru Paul Now Straight
The wildly popular and medically controversial hair straightening treatment in South America has produced some shocking side effects, including the turning of television drag queen, Ru Paul, from gay to straight. Famous for his ultra glam look on...
Read full storyAlexander Skarsgard cast as Norse God Odin in The Twilight Saga Russet Noon
HOLLYWOOD - Alexander Skarsgard as the ultimate epic battle hero? You better believe it! After auditioning countless movie heartthrobs over the past few weeks, casting director and honorable British Lord, Alf Starling, has finally made a decision o...
Read full storyWipeout Forced To Make Way For Rugby - Viewers Up In Arms
As rugby fans prepare for the forthcoming Six Nations championship's opening weekend, the news that a popular TV show has had to make way for BBC coverage has provoked viewers' fury. The annual contest opens on Saturday at 2.30pm with the game bet...
Read full storyAlligator explodes in python's belly, it farted!
In the Florida's Everglades National Park an alien species of python, the Burmese version, attempted to swallow an alligator whole, in its entirety and still alive. The python measured 3,9 metres and the alligator a mere 6 foot (1,9 metres), an un...
Read full storyTransfer Window: Lionel Messi joins Leyton Orient on two month loan
In an amazing turn of events today, Leyton Orient pulled off the transfer coup of the January window and possibly the millenium when O's chairman Barry Hearn announced to a packed to the rafters press conference in the club's Olympic suite that newl...
Read full storyBad girl Miley Cyrus snapped getting down and dirty with giant penis cake at birthday
Yes you heard it right Sweet innocent little Miley Cyrus was heard saying at a birthday party, "she loved the taste of that sweet black penis". And why wouldn't she love the taste. It was an X-rated birthday cake she had purchased for her BF Liam...
Read full storyHistorical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham - City Centre to Nottingham Castle
Historical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham From the City Centre - to Nottingham Castle Our local historian, guide, agniologist and pensioner takes you along the route, describing what we sees now, and what was there in his youth and before. The comparisons depict the changing face of life for Nottinghomians. Nottingham City Centre: 1863: We stand in the market-place amidst the horse and ca...
Read full storyJennifer Lopez Says She Does Not Like The Term "Cougar" And That She Prefers The Term "Older Woman"
CANCUN, Mexico - American Idol judge Jennifer Lopez and her new love interest Caspar Smart were down in sunny Mexico frolicking flirtatiously on the beach as they enjoyed their stay at The Olé Toro Resort Hotel. J.Lo whose personality has become e...
Read full storyLady Gaga's Family's Restaurant Opening Night Disaster Remains a Mystery
It was a peaceful opening night at Joan, a short-lived New York restaurant owned by the family of pop singer, Lady Gaga. Thankfully, no customers nor staff sustained any serious injuries; as well a team of seismologists was called in to prove that th...
Read full storyMammoth Ski Area Has A Mammoth Problem With Aspen Ski Area Finding A Real Mammoth.
Snowmass Ski Resort in Colorado has Mammoth Mountain, the California ski area, beat. Not more snow. Not better terrain, Not a bigger mountain. Snowmass has a REAL mammoth. And a mastodon. And a couple prehistoric bison. And a prehistoric ground sloth. This is all true. Last year while enlarging Zeigler reservoir the crew unearthed a huge bone. Then another. Then a lot. And they we...
Read full storySpanza47b. (Part Four)
"I'll 'ave t' make this me last one Fred 'cause that clock up on the wall there is sayin' it's five past seven 'n' me darts match at The Golden Lion kicks off at eight. Takes ten minutes t' walk there from this boozer annal. Did I say I've got the dog back indoors now? Yeah she's indoors now playin' wiv me slippers I expect. I've called 'er Marilyn. Friendly little fing she is. Better than fini...
Read full storyEL Wisty On Romance
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's Valentine's Day. Another thing I can't stand is the Duke of Edinburgh, and at least Valentine's Day only comes around once a year, which is more than can be said for the Duke of Edinburgh, but once a year is once too often, insofar as Valentine's Day is concerned. Another thing I find it hard to endure is the word 'insofar'. Especially when it is combine...
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