Written by Menominee

Tuesday, 31 January 2012

In one of the more unexpected transfer deadline day deals Liverpool have signed the entire playing squad, coaching staff and fan base of top Scottish club Glasgow Celtic.

Kenny Dalglish, Liverpool manager and also one of Celtic's most legendary players, explained the deal via a translator at the Southwaite motorway service station near Carlisle.

"There's a lot of talent on the books there, some of whom may be help us out, players or coaches, and this deal will allow us to pick and choose any or all of them and toss the rest back at the end of the season. Plus there's the fans who are the best in the business up there in Scotland, already have close ties with our support and they should be able to fit in straight away and contribute to our well-earned reputation for racist and sectarian abuse."

Dalglish went on to say some more things in a quiet, monotonous drone that was accompanied by quite a lot of shrugging though the interpreter admitted he couldn't really help with that bit.

At a deserted Celtic Park the Scottish Giants' owner Dermot Despond admitted that the loss of all his players, his entire coaching staff and all the fans could be troublesome in their bid to withstand the challenge of Rangers during the rest of the SPL season. But he added that the terms were simply impossible to turn down - the transfer fee, though undisclosed, is thought to be in the region of £400,000.

"Maybe they'll have a role for me down there," he mused plaintively as the journalists packed away their pencils and filed out. "Back home in Cork I was a dab hand at jemmying open unattended sheds."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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