Piranha invade Sussex pond
A small village in Sussex has been blighted by an invasion of Amazonian Piranha fish. The pond that dominates the centre of the village has seen a decline in its wildlife over the past six months with reports of duck and swan suddenly disappearing...
Read full storyPresident Obama Changes Stance on Drug Legalization After Being Caught With Bag of Weed
Several hours after publicly declaring his opposition to the legalization of such currently prohibited drugs as heroin, cocaine and marijuana, President Barack Obama retracted his anti-legalization statement and told reporters that his administration...
Read full storyCharles Darwin had a funny voice, newly found letter reveals
A newly letter, found from long term advocate of Charles Darwin, Thomas Huxley, has revealed that Charles Darwin had a peculiar voice. "It's quite an exciting letter, I must say," said Melton Shrewsbury, a Charles Darwin Historian. "It was unearth...
Read full story"Sky Diver" Young orders parachute for Manchester Derby!
Ashley Young, Man United's "high-diving" expert is so worried about the reverberations of his latest antics that he has ordered a back-pack parachute for the game against Manchester City. He knows that as soon as a Man City defender breathes on h...
Read full storyScottish Cup Loss Proves Final Straw For Lennon
Celtic boss, Neil Lennon, launched an astonishing attack on Scotlands referees yesterday evening after his team was dumped out of the Scottish cup. The tipping point appears to have been the controversial penalty awarded to their semi-final oppone...
Read full storyDifferences Of Stay At Home Moms Anne Romney, Roseanne And Queen Elizabeth
Actually, Mitt Romney was sidestepping a question about women's rights, quoting his wife as saying: Women were more interested in the economy. Following that river-dance side step, democratic spokesperson, Hilary Rosen, clicked her heels and announce...
Read full storyNew York Woman Reluctantly Thumbs-Down Favorite Pandora Tune
Kelsey Logue of New York City has always loved the folk music scene. Her love of folk developed in her hometown of Northampton, Massachusetts, site of the regionally famous folk music venue Iron Horse Music Hall. There, Kelsey grew to especially love...
Read full storyResearchers Find Shorter Titles And Sentences In Articles Are More Likely To Be Read Than If One Tries To Put Too Much Before Readers All At Once, 9 Times Out Of 10
Cambridge, U.K. - Researchers at Cambridge University have found that, when constructing titles for online publications, doesn't matter what type or genre they are, just online ones, nothing specific, are more likely to be read by the vast majority of people, i.e. the audience, readers, those lumps of organic material staring blindly into cyberspace , hoping to be awaken by some thunderbolt of int...
Read full storyAliens Letter home from Earth translated
Nottingham reporter and wicker-bottom chair repairer Bartholomew Utterswaith, has deciphered a letter meant for despatch to another planet, by an alien who had to make an emergency landing on earth, in the Nottingham Council Benefits Office toilets, currently under review for closure. Here is the translated wording: Dear Mother & Father, Just to let you know that I am safe after the L...
Read full storyMan Who Donated Heavily To A Sperm Bank Keeps Running Into His Kinfolk
Lancashire, U.K. - In a story that can only be seen in light of that old adage, reversed, 'What comes a round, goes around,' a German expatriate living as a civil servant in Britain, Helmut Heins, has claimed to have fathered over 10,000 children thr...
Read full storyGOP to women: "You have the right to remain silent! But that's it sweetheart!"
When Reince Priebus, Chairman of the RNC, called a press coference today pertaining to women's rights, the media assumed he would counter attack the Democaratic Party's claim that the GOP is against womens's rights. The media was confident he would m...
Read full story24 Year Old Excited to Age Gracefully
Scranton, PA resident Kimberly Ellison plans to age gracefully. "I've decided I'm not going to wear makeup or anything when I get older," said Ellison, who turned 24 last month and who once had to google the unfamiliar term, 'crows-feet'. "I ju...
Read full storySimon Cowell Plans New Reality Show Called 'Musical Parachutes'
LONDON, U.K. - Reality show phenomenon, Simon Cowell, has revealed plans he is about to start auditions for his next multi-million dollar franchise called 'Musical Parachutes'. "Look, people.." Mr. Cowell pronounced to the attending media, "...the...
Read full storyQueen gagged 'Live ferret jumped out of Camilla's knickers during Easter Sunday service' story
Windsor - "Apparently it was looking for peanuts," Sir Pomfret Wetlocks, chief arsewiper to the Prince of Wales, tweeted this morning, "secreted in Camilla's favorite hideyhole." The furry little critter was then seen scurrying between the pews be...
Read full storyTop chef simmers ribs
Celebrity chef Gordon Pansay suffered several minor injuries at his restaurant in a heated incident yesterday. True to form, Gordon was leaning over the hot plates, intent on swearing at junior staff. But the hot plates were still red hot and sear...
Read full storyHold the salad recipe! Kim Jong Un orders mizuna and spinach leaf launch instead of rocket
Pyongyang - Daft pot-bellied North Korean food-freak Kim Jong-un has blamed 'the wrong kind of leaf' for last week's disastrous space launch it was reported today. Friday's flaccid rocket fiasco may have failed to hit the high spot because technic...
Read full storyWhatever Tebow Wants, Tebow Gets
Not since Mr. Applegate from Damn Yankees proved he was a fan of the pinstripes has there been such a switcheroo. Yes, the man who is holier than Swiss cheese, the newest apple polisher in the Big Apple, Tim Tebow showed up at a Yankees game. O...
Read full storyGrand National Betting Prospects
Bookmakers are being inundated with punters who are betting on next year's Grand National. Odds on two dead horses at the next National have escalated to 2 to 1 on. One worried Bookie declared: 'This is becoming a dead certainty. Two dead is the f...
Read full storyBiden Rent Costs Prostitutes
The big news of the weekend once again involved the President of Vice, Joe Biden. This time the attacks were two-pronged. Some might say, much like Biden's tail. In story one, it was learned that last year, the PV earned $20,900 in rental inco...
Read full storyStudy Finds That Germs Are A Haven For Other Germs
(Health Anxiety Quarterly) - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently announced a chilling new finding, revealing that germs themselves are some of the dirtiest organisms on our planet. Lead [pronounced leed] researcher, Dr. Hai Po-...
Read full storyDorking Porn Star Couple Axed For Excessive Flatulence On Set
Dorking's own famous porn star couple, Tracy Storm and Harry Knutsford were sent packing from the set of Hollywood adult movie extravaganza, 'By Jove, That's A Stonker!' by Director, Phil Cleavage, after apparently suffering from excessive flatulence...
Read full storyNew Orleans Saints Owner Tom Benson Hints That Due To "BountyGate" He May Be Moving The Team To San Antonio
NEW ORLEANS - The New Orleans Saints have had more ups and downs than a Six Flags Over Texas Theme Park roller coaster. The team has been hit with BountyGate and Head Coach Sean Payton has been suspended for the entire football season. Several oth...
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