Kathy Griffin Is Wondering If Lady Gaga's Sudden Weight Gain Is Due To Her Perhaps Eating For Two
NEW ORLEANS - Kathy Griffin played to a packed house at The Giggle Giggle Comedy Club on Bourbon Street during the club's "Two Hurricanes For The Price of One Night." Afterwards she signed 73 autographs including one on Shreveport native Bubba Bec...
Read full storyChildren in Need Muppet Song sweeps the nation
Friday eighteenth of November will live long in people's memories, for it was the night that the Muppet song, Manama nam, boo boo bi do do went viral. "It was phenomenal," said Gary Barlow on the Sunday afterwards, "Boo boo de do do. I've been hea...
Read full storyCameron's Chamberlain speech, "I've just returned from Germany with a signed piece of paper..."
Heathrow Airport tarmac, Outskirts of London: David Cameron has come back from Germany, after a 15 hour talk with Frau Merkel over the EU, to a 'triumphant' welcome reminiscent of Neville Chamberlain, those many years ago in the late 1930's. 'Our...
Read full storyObama to Seek Repeal of Syntax
Washington,D.C.-Calling it "an unfair burden on anyone who has ever tried to construct a sentence.", President Barrack Obama announced today that his administration would seek the immediate repeal of the use of syntax in the United States. Syntax...
Read full storyObama Gives up on Magic Beans
Washington,D.C.-In a last ditch attempt to revive the faltering economic recovery, President Obama traded "the entire gross national product of the United States for one year", to the Chinese for a handful of "magic beans". The deal, finalized las...
Read full storySaif Al Gaddafi complains his mobile was hacked
Tripoli - The dead tyrant's son has told reporters his mobile home was attacked by machete-wielding insurgents on the Libya-Niger border in a dawn raid today. A customised Airstream was reduced to splinters following a tip-off from Libyan Red Top...
Read full storyGun sales to pre-schools and assisted living centers approved by Congress!
The GOP Tea Party dominated Congress has just approved legislation to make legal the sales of firearms to preschools and assisted living centers in the US. Congressman Eric Cantor issued a statement this morning praising the action: "It is time f...
Read full storyUnearthing Natalie Wood case leads to revival of old bad joke
LOS ANGELES, Calif.--When you're trying to dig up treasure, you're bound to run into some worms. This seems to be the case in the reopening of the almost 30-year-old Natalie Wood case. On November 29, 1981, Wood drowned near Santa Catalina Island,...
Read full storyPudsey Bear leads protesters
Visitors to London today were treated to an extra attraction when Parliament Square was overrun by protesters demonstrating against the cuts in the NHS. These cuts will lead to longer waiting lists for operations and medical treatment. A spokes...
Read full storyPub landlords, kebab shop proprietors and massage parlor pros to sit on new sick note panels
London - Stripping doctors of the tedious duty of writing sick notes has been approved by the Government. From next month independent panels of local specialists will be in charge of signing off sickness benefit candidates in a long awaited clampd...
Read full storyWhy Britain is not in danger of default
As the European single currency threatens to collapse amid a cacophony of guilty fingering, the UK remains under no immediate danger of default. Why should this be? With a foreign debt of over 6 trillion pounds - second only to the US - there is a surprising amount of confidence in island Britain's ability to remain afloat. This isn't just a simple example of maintaining a stiff upper lip in th...
Read full storyTax on City Horror
An unfortunate incident at the Bank of England has resulted in a Government move that has upset financiers. A noble Lord, known as 'Hurrah Henry', due to his antics at Royal Ascot every year when his horse comes in last, was responding to an offen...
Read full storyMedical Observations of the Sexual Development of Children
All babies start out with the same number of raw cells, which over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead. Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cell necessary to develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female.
Read full storyChildren In Need Boosted by "Doin' Nowt' Man
Annual BBC charity TV marathon Children In Need was celebrating another record-breaking Friday night gala, with more than £23 million raised so far. And local misery "Knocker" Pratt is making a significant contribution to that total. Mr Pratt i...
Read full storyPolitical News for W/E 20 Nov 2011 - with comments
14 Nov 2011: Care may suffer - admits private company taking over NHS hospital! The Observer Uproar as Circle Health confirms in document that critics' unease about patients is justified. The first private company to take over an NHS hospital has admitted in a document seen by the 'Observer' that patient care could suffer under its plans to expand its empire and seek profit from the health s...
Read full storyHistory Review: Had Me A Real Good Time: The Faces - Before, During and After, by Andy Neill
The end of the 1960's saw seismic upheavals in the pop and rock landscape in Britain - not the least of which was the demise of the fabulously successful Small Faces. Apparently lost at sea after being cast adrift by Steve Marriott, the remaining three members teamed up with two other lads, disgruntled themselves by Jeff Beck, in whose group they had felt minor players to the guitar hero. The F...
Read full storyTheresa May, Al Pacino, Kristen Stewart And Martin Shuttlecock Are Coming To Dorking!
As unholy an alliance as it seems, the above named will actually be appearing in Dorking for six weeks over the Christmas holiday period, in the Dorking Review Theatre's yuletide festive panto production treat, Cinderella. Directed by am-dram impr...
Read full storyThe Shocking Reason Why Demi Moore Filed For Divorce From Ashton Kutcher
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - After six years of marriage Demi Moore has filed for divorce from her "Boy Toy" husband Ashton Kutcher. Moore, 49, spoke with Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight and told him that she hated to file but that she really had no c...
Read full storyMichael Barrymore Will NOT Be Opening The New Dorking Lido
Dorking's head of swimming, water polo, dive bombing, and water sports, Councillor Chuck Wood, today announced that former comedian, game show host, and reality TV enigma, Michael Barrymore, will not, after all, be invited to cut the ceremonial ribbo...
Read full storyAl Pacino To Play Robert De Niro In Martin Scorsese Biopic
HOLLYWOOD: Leading motion picture studio, Skoobtoob Pictures today announced that production will begin next year on a biopic of movie legend Bobby DeNiro, to be directed by Martin Scorsese and starring Al Pacino as Robert DeNiro. The working title o...
Read full storyAl Pacino To Play Arthur Scargill in 'STRIKE! - Iron Lady My Arse!'
It seems almost certain that Hollywood icon, Al Pacino is to play Arthur Scargill, in Buffty Ginslinger's forthcoming film production of the 1980's miners strike, which has a working title of 'STRIKE! - Iron Lady My Arse!' - in a stinging filmic rebu...
Read full storyLink Discovered Between British Football and Crime Rates
Exeter Devon, UK: The results of a one year psychological study conducted by Dr. M. Shuttlecock, a noted London psychologist, has been published in the Surrey Psychological Observational Obsessive Functions (SPOOF) journal. The study investigated whe...
Read full storyHarry Out Of One Direction Spotted Out With Demi Moore In Dorking - Ashton Kutcher Furious
US star Ashton Kutcher is apparently as mad as a suitcase full of fruit bats after reports streamed out of Dorking stating that his estranged wife, Demi Moore had been seen cosying up to Harry out of One Direction, over pints of beer in JD Wetherspoo...
Read full storyNew SAT Tests Creativity
Testing giant The College Board announced today that 2012 SAT tests will include a section on creativity. The standardized testing company has come up with new techniques for using multiple choice tests to measure innovative thinking. President Ga...
Read full storyAl Pacino Founds Dorking College Of Extremely Loud Shouting
Shouty voiced American actor, Al Pacino, star of such unforgettable films as The Godfather, Serpico, Scarface, Dog Day Afternoon, Heat, Scent Of A Woman, and Bobby Deerfield (?) has founded the world's first College Of Extremely Loud Shouting - in Do...
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