Isle of Wight crude tanker tragedy
Cowes - It's been billed as the Island's environmental catastrophe of the century and has blighted the start of world famous Cowes Regatta Week. Reports this evening have confirmed the collision between an ocean going yacht, Atlanta of Chester, an...
Read full storyElderly Woman Cures All the World's Political Ills
Miss Grace Occident, a nurse of a certain age (as the French would say--in French, of course) has become a major political force in global affairs. Bursting on the scene, "Auntie" Occident, as her protégés are fond of calling her, has been able to r...
Read full story'We Refuse To Give In To Blackmail!': Carnegie Hill couple dish the dirt on 'KGB Obama'
New York - Big Oil's reclusive NY 10028 pair have hit back over the President's televised rant deprecating their refusal to bail out his ass. "I believe that we have to ask the wealthiest Americans and biggest corporations to pay their fair share...
Read full storyLetters To Mark - From Disgruntled Satirists
Dear Mark, Why oh why do you let things like this happen? I have just read, in the magazine section of your esteemed website, the most execrable, disgusting, expletive ridden article it has ever been my misfortune to ever come across. It was entitled, 'Have You Farted?' and although it contained a warning about foul and abusive language, nothing could have prepared me for the disgusting nature...
Read full storyWorthing pensioners caught in Doggy position
Retired cinema usherette Marjorie Fosdyke-Spratt has set tongues wagging in Worthing. Miss Fosdyke-Spratt, who is 102, was discovered under West Pier slumped over her zimmer frame with her knickers in a twist. PC Eric Nonce feared that the pens...
Read full storyS&P Downgrades God to a BBB Minus Rating
New York -- S&P, one of the world's three major ratings firms, has downgraded its rating of Almighty God from AAA to BBB minus. The move is expected to dramatically cut prayer time between the Creator and those whom He created. More impor...
Read full storyHave You Farted? (Warning - Contains Foul And Abusive Language)
"Have you farted?" "I dunno...why d'you ask?" "You dunno?" "I dunno." "You don't know if you farted?" "Nah." "You must have something wrong with you mate. If you don't even know if you've dropped a sly one." "I didn't hear nuffink..." "You must have felt it." "Could 'ave. I s'ppose. P'rhaps I just dint notice..." "Well - it stinks." "Stinks o' wot?" "Eggs. And c...
Read full storyHull City Bottom Of The League
Hull City, who at the start of the season had high hopes of being promoted to the Premier League, are now in real danger of being relegated to League One after a terrible start to their campaign ended in a 1-0 home defeat to Blackpool. The Tigers...
Read full storyEric Cantona Poised To Take Reins At Manchester United "Within Five Years"
Manchester United legend, Eric Cantona, currently head coach of the New York Cosmos is being broadly tipped by insiders to take the managerial hotseat at Old Trafford within five years. Insiders insist that Cantona is the only man for the job, but...
Read full storyVisiting Your Local Job Centre Could Kill You!
Job Centre staff and the unemployed job seekers they serve will have to wear face masks and hygienic surgical gloves when inside the Job Centre buildings as from from September 2011. It forms just part of a whole package of new regulations being bro...
Read full storyBanker Wars Part IV: A New Hope Part II
Read this story from the start. Luke, Old Ben and the two droids came to their local spaceport, where they tried to find a pilot who could carry them to Alderaan. In a nearby bar they met Han "Interest rates" So-low and his tall hairy friend Jew-backer. Han and Jewie (as he liked to be called) agreed to transport them, and asked if they would also be interested in investing in their portfol...
Read full storyPissed In Space - Russian Cosmonaut Spills Beans On International Space Station
Russian Cosmonaut, Yuri Gaggininnit today revealed that a tour on the international space station isn't necessarily one long round of orbiting the earth and conducting obscure experiments, involving flying ants and lighted tapers in zero gravity cond...
Read full storyEndangered Amazonian Tree Frog Colony Found In Burnley Park
Concerned zoologists had a good reason to be cheerful today, following the discovery of a sizable community of Amazonian tree frogs in Scott Park, in Burnley, Lancashire. The community of thorn-spitting yellow-backed Uppenattem frogs came to the a...
Read full storyCollege Societies
At the start of every new college year will also mean the start of a new year for clubs and societies on campus. Here are a few tips to survive Clubs and Socs Day. Scientists in Geneva have discovered a mental quirk in students that is typically seen only at New Year's. You will, in your sensory overload, genuinely believe you will attend the weekly meetings of the crochet club, the Basque sym...
Read full storyRyan Seacrest and Steven Tyler Are Now The Proud Owners of A Hotel Resort & Casino In Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - It has just been confirmed that American Idol's Ryan Seacrest and Steven Tyler have just purchased the La Playa de Los Players Hotel in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. A spokesperson for Peaches & Lips Productions, co-owned by...
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