Eric Cantona Poised To Take Reins At Manchester United "Within Five Years"

Written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 6 August 2011

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When The Seagull Goes To Ze Chippy It Is Because 'E Is Hungry For Cod And Chips Wiz Zer Mushy Pois

Manchester United legend, Eric Cantona, currently head coach of the New York Cosmos is being broadly tipped by insiders to take the managerial hotseat at Old Trafford within five years.

Insiders insist that Cantona is the only man for the job, but that he needs to cut his teeth in football management before taking the massive step back to taking charge of Manchester United.

One school of thought was convinced that 'the special one' - Jose Mourinho - was a shoe in for the job upon Sir Alex Ferguson's retirement. The basis for this theory being that Mourinho would relish the opportunity to rub ex-boss Roman Abramovich's nose right in it, but as Mourinho has pretty much achieved autonomy at Real Madrid, the chances of such a move happening now appear remote.

It isn't that the Frenchman is a second choice - already a Manchester United legend, the only doubt about a future appointment has been that Cantona lacked the relevant experience, but once that situation is put to rights, there's nothing to bar his way.

United fans are licking their lips at the prospect of Cantona's return, eagerly anticipating post match interviews on Sky Sports talking about kung-fu, seagulls, trawlers, Rimbaud, and the music of Ella Fitzgerald.

Cantona, whose name is still chanted regularly at Manchester United home games, where he receives the warmest of receptions at all times, is unlikely to be daunted by the prospect of filling Sir Alex Ferguson's boots. He told reporters recently:

"It is not somesink I 'ave to sink about. Eet iz like coming 'ome for moi. It is like a carriage made in 'eaven. Or somesink."

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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