Video Tape Confirms James R. Hoffa and Whitey Bolger Live! Pair Join Forces Lobby Auto Bailout!
Boston, Ma/Detroit,Mi, / Combined AP Wire Services - A video tape delivered covertly to the Boston Globe proves conclusively that missing union boss Jimmy Hoffa, and Winter Hill Gangster Whitey Bolger are still on the loose and not about to let the g...
Read full storyIrish Team Fails To Front For Second Half Sensation!
In an unprecedented move, Irish Rugby Captain Brian O'Driscoll failed to take his team out for the second half of the Test Match against the All Blacks. The All Blacks who sprinted out onto Coyne Park and took up their positions,waited in vain for...
Read full storyGordon Brown, "We're smarter than those dumb Yanks"
In an unfortunate outburst today, Gordon Brown was heard over an open microphone talking to French Pres.Sarkozy. The PM was heard saying, "[we're] smarter than those dumb Yanks," in reference to the American change of plan to bail out the banks.
Read full storyGordon 'New World Order' Brown Goes A Whole Day Without Mentioning A New World Order!
Prominent globalist, British Prime Minister and believer in conspiracy theories, Gordon Brown, did not mention the creation of a New World Order today - not once, not even in private conversation! This has left many globalists concerned about Gord...
Read full storyAmericans Face Prospect of Having to Buy Things with Real Money
Government officials unveiled a plan to encourage Americans to use actual currency to purchase goods and services in the near future. If not actual currency, then at least a promise to pay with money that is actually owned by the buyer. "It's a...
Read full storyEdible organic freerange free-trade macrobiotic thongs, G-strings and breast-shaped stress relievers all the rage for Xmas
London - (Yule!-Be-Sorry Mess): High Street Xmas shopping sales are booming at last following the London launch of edible organic freerange free-trade macrobiotic nipple-tassels, thongs, G-strings and breast-shaped stress relievers. This week's l...
Read full storyObama Vows to "Bail Out" UK Sperm Bank: Pledges Family Donations!
London, UK/ Guardian - In yet another magnanimous offer to "Share the Wealth", President Elect Obama makes a world wide plea for his missing relatives to come forward and make unselfish donations to Britain's ailing Sperm Bank system. Obama was r...
Read full storySpace shuttle sends extensions to international space station
The NASA Space Shuttle took off earlier today to send important material to extend the size of the International Space Station. In what can be regarded as a first, the ISS will receive a further 20 units for astronaut accommodation as well as 2 S...
Read full storyGen Colon Bowel tipped for top Shite House anal bleaching position
Washington AC/DC - (Sordid Ass Mess): Buoyed by his phenomenal prescience in tipping Barack Obama as the next President-Elect of the United States former Bush Administration Secretary of State General Colon Bowel is in line for a top Shite House posi...
Read full storyCavern club removes Glitter prick
Merseyside - (Putrid Ass mess): Liverpool's fabled Cavern Club has removed a commemorative Gary Glitter prick that marked the disgraced glam rocker's visits to the landmark Merseyside erection. For years Glitter's name had featured prominently amo...
Read full storyZac Efron Rides Vanessa Hudgens' Ass - Broncho Style.
First he smacked it, then he shoved his entire arm up inside it and now he's finally hopped onto it and rode it like it always wanted to be! The 3-legged donkey at High School Musical actress Vanessa Hudgens' private animal sanctuary has carried...
Read full storyGovernment To Pass 'X Factor Bill' Next Thursday
Prime Minster Gordon Brown has announced in a statement from Downing Street this morning that, as a result of the debacle involving Laura White on the X Factor last Saturday, the government is to take action that will prevent a repeat of 'poor voting...
Read full storyRev. Al Sharpton's "Non Profit" Granted Bank Status: Clears Way for Massive Tax Lien Bailout!
Washington,DC/Wall Street Journal - Playing the "Race Card" once again, it appears that the Rev. Al has found yet another way to avoid his tax obligations brought on by blatant misuse of his "Non Profit" community action groups specializing in extort...
Read full storyBinge drinking encouraged to beat recession
Gordon Brown has called for pubs and clubs to stay open 24/7 to help the UK spend its way out of recession. Speaking at the Mop and Bucket pub in Wimslow Cheshire he said "People drinking more alcohol will have a knock on effect in lots of ways, m...
Read full storyAvatars Divorce after Discovering Human Creator Having Affair
Cybrary City, Lalaland - Two avatars in the virtual online cyber game Second Life have divorced after one of them discovered the real life creator of the second one having an affair with another real person. Avatar Gettalife Quandry met and fell...
Read full storyOffice Party Warnings
The holidays will soon be upon us and you know how those office parties will be. Well, maybe you don't, especially if it's your first with the company. So here are some helpful hints that your boss may have had a little too much spiked eggnog, even before he got there. Should any of the following happen, it might be a good thing to fake a headache and leave early so that you can keep both yo...
Read full storyBush Boys Look For New Jobs
The Bush boys were sitting around Cheney's undisclosed location, trying to figure out what to do with the rest of their lives and getting wasted on Manhattens. Karl Rove was checking out the Washington Post want ads. "It looks like the National Enquirer needs a writer, someone who can make up stories about famous people and make them seem real. It would be a huge cut in pay, but there would be...
Read full storyGuilty Verdict for Chavette Cat Killer
A 16-year-old Camberwell chavette has been ordered to perform 200 hours of community service work for the crew of HMS Belfast after being found guilty of drowning a cat which lived on the battleship. The teenager, Chantelle McSlagrat, who can't b...
Read full storyDeGeneres, O'Donnell, and Etheridge Buy JetBlue; rebrand as JetLavender
NEW HAVEN, Connecticut - A Connecticut judge has ruled that gay couples can now legally marry in the 'Nutmeg' state. The ruling is a victory for gay marriage advocates who were disappointed by the California referendum that banned same-sex unions...
Read full storyChildren In Need Hit By Credit Crunch
The BBC Children In Need appeal was, this morning, said by organisers to have significantly suffered from the effects of the worldwide Credit Crunch, and donations were down 18.4% on the 2007 figure. David Ramsden, of BBC Children In Need told vie...
Read full storySecret Service Code Names: Sarah Palin - "McNuggets"
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Secret Service has just selected their code names for President-elect Barack Obama and his family. Barack Obama's code name is 'Renegade.' His wife's code name is 'Renaissance. Eldest daughter Malia is 'Radianc...
Read full storyAustralia 'Nobbled' Our Team Allegations by Kiwis
The New Zealand team claims that the Australians have spiked star batsman Jessie Ryder's beers in order to remove him from the NZ lineup. Ryder has been laid low by a mystery illness causing him diarrhea and vomiting just days ahead of the series...
Read full storyMinneapolis Man's Undersized Plates Caused Bridge Collapse
Mr Mississippi Rivers' tragic story sums up the tale of a nation gone wrong. Rivers, a lifelong resident of Minneapolis, MN suffered a plate collapse that caused his dental bridge to fail. Dental examiners found that the plate was seriously undersize...
Read full storyEvolution in brain size linked to larger Vajayjay
The evolutionary answer to how human brains got so big has as much to with the vagina as it has to do with the skull! Evolutionary biologist, Pussy Galore has written a ground-braking research paper which argues that the incredible stretchability of...
Read full storyPopecott of Mexico City International Catholic Congress
Pope Paul VI will be remembered as the firt traveling Pope, John Paul the First travelled so fast from the Vatican to the Kingdom of Heaven that we hardly knew him. JPII touched down in more countries than Catholic Priestly pedophiles. Benedict...
Read full storyGuns 'N Ammo Big Sellers This Christmas
As the world economy rummages in its holey pockets for some spare change and the US merchants brace for a very unmerry Christmas profit margin, the one bright spot seems to be the booming sales of fire arms and bullets. Sales clerk, Gunther Ban...
Read full storyMystery solved: Why is Obama's anus white?
WASHINGTON - President-elect Barack Obama likes anal bleaching. Anal Bleaching has been practised for more than 200 years but U.S. scientists have just figured out how the cleaner does its work. Hillary Clinton said she bleaches on a regular basi...
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