Humbug at the Truman
Independence, Missouri - (Ass Mess): History tells us that the world is full of crooks, damned lying crooks and Secretary-Generals of the United Nations.
Read full storyMexico Fears Refugee Stampede from USA; Vows to Shoot Naked Spears, Hilton, Lohan on Sight
MEXICO CITY - The Mexican government said today it was rushing army and police units to its northern border to slow a stampede of desperate people and animals fleeing the United States.
Read full storyTheres Nothing Dumb about Soap Stars
Coronation Street's most accomplished actor has allegedly quit the show because of allegations that T.V. bosses have been deliberately dumbing down the programme.
Read full storyQuit It You Idiot!
Don't know where to start when giving up cigarettes? Or hey - not just cigarettes, as the ad says, you can give up anything with this top-of-the-range hypnotherapeutic cassette, read to you by a robot!...
Read full storySinger Barney Involved In Crazy Showbiz Mix-up
Barney Manilow was today embroiled in a row that may well see his stock drop a point or two in the eyes of the public, reports our showbiz correspondent, Oscar Bafta.
Read full storyNot looking good for Geller but his penis will pull through.
Days after the tragic 'wankathon' accident which has left paranormalist Uri Geller fighting for his life, doctors claim that, although there is not much they can do for him, his penis will pull through.
Read full storyEd-E-torial Number 8: Meet Pete the Superhero.
(New York--NY) Welcome Dear Friends and Respected Enemies and, yes, you too George Bush. It's Ed-E-torial #8. Or as we like to call it: "The one where we interview Pete the Superhero."...
Read full storyThe Cat's Out Of The Bag For Celebrity Big Brother Line-up
British TV broadcaster, Channel 4, is said to be livid by leaked reports giving details of the all-star line up for January's Celebrity Big Brother.
Read full storyPacino and DeNiro team up for Hull Christmas Panto
Hull city council was delighted to announce last night that American movie legends, Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro would be teaming up for the first time since 'Heat', in the annual Christmas panto.
Read full storyCops warn radioactive cocaine may have killed spook
London - (Ass Mess): Police investigating the toxic poisoning of ex-KGB spook Alex Litvinenko have issued a grim warning to partying Londoners that this year's Xmas supplies of cocaine may have been contaminated with Plutonium 210 - the lethal po...
Read full storyDana Heartbroken As Irish Moon Dream In Tatters
It's all gone Pete Tong for one time Eurovision darling Dana who won the competition for Ireland in 1970.
Read full storyA Vengeful God Visits Seattle
SEATAC, Washington - Over the past weekend, officials at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport angered God by removing 14 plastic Christmas trees intended to celebrate the birth of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. After two day of prayerful reflection...
Read full storyFury at Norwegian Special Olympic seal clubbing proposal
Animal rights activists reacted angrily yesterday as Norway revealed that seal clubbing will be one of the events at the upcoming Special Olympics.
Read full storyMel Gibson set to direct Klingonese language movie
With the success of the current movie with a Mayan dialect 'Apocalypto' and the 2004 Aramaic language movie - 'Passion of the Christ', Mel Gibson has decided to direct an all out Klingon language movie without subtitles. Mel Gibson h...
Read full storyBBC's Groundforce to Renovate Barbara Bush's Bush
The BBC proudly announced the jewel in their Christmas crown last night, with news that President Bush had OK'd the redesign of his wife's bush.
Read full storyLohan Remake "Nativity!" Most Likely Best Picture Winner; Spears, Hilton on Rampage
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - The 2008 Best Picture Oscar is likely to go to one of five feature films, and Lindsay Lohan's "Nativity!" is the favorite, according to odds-makers surveyed by Variety.
Read full storyMy Little Wayne's The New Messiah Claims Mum
2006 years after the birth of Christ a woman from Pease Pottage is claiming to have given birth to the new Messiah.
Read full storyThe Dalai Lama Predicts that Kierkegaard will be Reincarnated as Osho on Christmas Eve
The virginity of our Blessed Lady was defined under anathema in the third canon of the Lateran Council held in the time of Pope Martin I, A.D. 649. The Nicene-Constantinopolitan Creed, as recited in the Mass, expresses belief in Christ "incarnat...
Read full storyNicole Richie opens driving school
Nicole Richie, adopted daughter of Lionel Richie and star of the TV show, The Simple Life, announced today she'd be opening a chain of driving schools catering to air headed debutantes.
Read full storyBush says "Blame the Heat Miser not Big Oil!"
At a recent gathering of oil company presidents, President Bush assured the company heads that their industry was not at fault for global warming. The President explained that the real culprit is the Heat Miser from TV Show A Year Without Santa Claus...
Read full storyUSA Rocket Blasts Off!
Today a rocket ship from the USA went zooming off into outer space. When the rocket blasted off, there was a lot of flames, smoke and sparks. Inside the rocket were a bunch of astronauts. These heroic fliers are some of the greatest Americans that...
Read full storyConcern Over E. Coli Outbreaks Sparks Creative Thinking - Terra Farming Plan For Mars Revealed
Scientists for the FDA (Food is a Drug Administration) concerned about recent outbreaks of E. Coli this fall and winter in the United States, suggested today that Mars might be the answer for an alternative food source.
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