Lohan Remake "Nativity!" Most Likely Best Picture Winner; Spears, Hilton on Rampage

Funny story written by Chris Hanson

Tuesday, 12 December 2006


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Nativity! is a black comedy about a pregnant teenager who cons people into believing God is to blame

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - The 2008 Best Picture Oscar is likely to go to one of five feature films, and Lindsay Lohan's "Nativity!" is the favorite, according to odds-makers surveyed by Variety.

The movie industry newspaper averaged the odds set by 50 Las Vegas book-makers based on advanced word regarding the plot-lines and stars of the pictures. Here are the results.

Nativity!. Over 2,000 years ago in the Holy Land a pregnant teenager (Lindsay Lohan) says God is to blame for her condition -- and millions buy it! Dark historical-religious comedy-drama. Remake. (Odds: one in three.)

Cardiolypto. Mayan physicians perform open heart surgery under primitive conditions atop pyramids with few if any successful results. Based on a true story. Remake. (One in five.)

Bag the Piper Envious aide conspires to deprive Ugandan dictator (Forrest Whittaker) of wife and birthright -- the Scottish throne. Tragedy loosely based on Shakespeare's Macbeth and Othello, on the 1960 British film Tunes of Glory, and on a true story. Remake(s.) (One in 16.)

Babelle. A Monarch butterfly flaps its wings on the rim of the Grand Canyon. Half a world away, in Morocco, a comely American tourist (Cate Blanchett) keels over bleeding. Deep, philosophical drama about life's random linkages based on a true story. Remake. (One in 20.)

Don of the Dead. Volatile tycoon Donald Trump (Clive Owen) fires one reality contestant too many, suffers a retaliatory shotgun blast to the brain, and recoups with a series of netherworld investments. But he soon realizes money isn't everything if one is being roasted for eternity. Fact-based melodrama based on Faust legend. Remake.(One in 26.)

Upon hearing of the prospects for Lohan's film, Paris Hilton Naked and Britney Spears Nude flew into rages and smashed windows, lights, glassware at "Teddy's" in the Theodore Roosevelt Hotel.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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