Rush Limbaugh Buys Indian Motel Chain, Desert Bedouin
In surprising news today, American radio personality, Rush Limbaugh bought The Desert Bedouin chain of Indian-owned motels from the Patel family. The Desert Bedouin has been a fixture in American culture for the last 20 years, under...
Read full storyNicole Richie Arrested after Driving Wrong Way on Highway, Police Investigate
BURBANK, Calif. - The California Highway Police are currently investigating why actress Nicole Richie was driving the wrong way on State Highway 134 under the apparent influence of drugs. The Simple Life star and 25-year-old daughter of pop...
Read full storyPandemic Spreads, Tens of Thousands Dead, Millions May Die, as Viral Marketing Test Goes Awry
ATLANTA - Tens of thousands are dead and millions soon will be as a pandemic spreads across America and around the world, say epidemiologists at the Centers for Disease Control. The long feared global viral pandemic has started -- but it is of a com...
Read full storyDiana death mystery: the butler did it
London - (Ass Mess): Financial analysts in the City of London have expressed astonishment that despite the weakness of the dollar versus the pound sterling, a huge wall of American money has been wagered on UK spread betting sites offering favorable...
Read full storyForeign Secretary Margaret Beckett shot in arse!
A Labour Party spokesman today confirmed that the Foreign Secretary, The RT Hon Margaret Beckett had been shot in the backside by a poacher when out for a Sunday stroll in the woods at her home constituency of Derby. Her condition is not thought to b...
Read full storyThe Blue Planet...Quite Literally
Veteran wildlife presenter, David Attenborough, is tonight helping police with their inquiries after more raids were made in London and Bristol as part of "Operation Knobber"...
Read full storyBrucie Tells O'Connor I'll 'Ave You Son
Guests at London's Plush Dorchester Hotel looked on in disbelief as a brawl developed last night between two of Britain's best loved entertainers.
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Announces Her Own Line Of "Hair" Extensions
(Los Angeles--CA) Forget Brtiney Spears' upskirt oops! According to a Lindsay Lohan blog, LohanFan, the "actress" will be issuing a line of "extensions for the hair that you don't see...at least not during the first half of the...
Read full storyGOP unveils new "You're Busy, Why Bother?" campaign
WASHINGTON, DC - Still smarting from last month's midterm rebuke, the Republican National Committee has introduced a new campaign it hopes will suppress voter turnout in the future. Entitled, "You're Busy, Why Bother?," the multili...
Read full storyTop Gear's Richard Hammond injured in Rocketfanny accident
Top Gear presenter, Richard Hammond was battling for his life last night as a TV stunt went 'tits up'. Hammond was driving the new Lotus Rocketfanny when he lost control and crashed.
Read full storyChelsea will play without referees, following FA offer snub
Chelsea coach Jose Mourinho today announced that they would no longer agree to allow referees at their matches. It follows the sensational rejection by the English FA this morning of Chelsea's offer to "buy" all premiership referees fo...
Read full storySpears Naked, Hilton Nude, Lohan Panty-less Share Pulitzer Prize For Saving Journalism
NEW YORK - The Pulitzer Prize for Public Service went for the first time this year not to journalists but to news subjects -- actor Lindsay Lohan, singer Britney Spears, and celebrity socialite Paris Hilton.
Read full storyCinderella man Hawking wins World Heavyweight crown
He promised us a spectacle and last night Professor Stephen Hawking was as good as his word. In a night of thrills and spills, the plucky paraplegic finally conquered man mountain Klitschko to become boxing champion of the world.
Read full storySchumacher Blasted As Cheat By Ex-Ferrari Pit Man
Michael Schumacher, who to some is the best Formula One driver ever to have lived, could in fact be no more than a dirty cheat.
Read full storyNorthern Man Will Clean Up On Deal Or No Deal
A man from Newcastle has threatened to be the first contestant to walk away with the top £250,000 prize on Channel 4's hit TV show, Deal or no Deal.
Read full storyWill & Grace: Episode "Skippy The Cute-Tush Kangaroo"
Characters: Will - Eric McCormack Grace - Debra Messing Jack - Sean Hayes Karen - Megan Mullally Lucus - (not cast) yo...
Read full storyPlayboy Hugh Hefner is new Pope
Hugh Hefner, the founder of the Playboy Empire has been appointed the 266th Pope in a dramatic turn of events. The Vatican were in a crisis meeting earlier this month following the 265th Pope, Benedict XVI recent diatribe on the Muslim community.
Read full storyPinochet death 'suspicious': Plutonium 210 cops
Santiago, Chile - (Ass Mess): Leading Global Piss Process luminaries, Bush Administration client-dictators and top-notch account holders of the Riggs Bank are preparing to fly to Santiago for the funeral of General Augusto Pinochet whose death yester...
Read full storyBenefit Scroungers To Be Branded In New Government Initiative
In a distinctly un-seasonal move today the Government has announced that in future people on state benefits will have to be branded with an X on their forehead. A spokesman told us:...
Read full storySmoothie King Leads Bloody Revolt
In a shocking grab for power, the usually mild-mannered Smoothie King has led a bloody uprising against the Burger King.
Read full storyStar-Bellied Sneeches Protest NAIS
Washington, DC- A spokesman for the USDA noted today that "We have been informed by our secret sources that our National Animal Identification System (NAIS) has missed a group that we should have been tracking previously. Evidently "Star-b...
Read full storyNBC's 'To Catch a Predator' series exposes tooth fairy
NBC's popular series, To Catch a Predator, found the tooth fairy invading children's sleeping space on a recent production.
Read full storyGeorge Bush Becomes "Vagina Warrior" - Spears Nominated 'Poster Child' for Vagina Movement
In stirring news today at the White House, your president, George Bush declared that he was a "vagina warrior" and will employ the implacable, Brittany Spears as poster child for the vagina movement. The term, "vagina warrior" com...
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