Chelsea will play without referees, following FA offer snub

Funny story written by Mike Eastabrook

Monday, 11 December 2006

image for Chelsea will play without referees, following FA offer snub
Chelsea will "referee" themselves - Mourinho will deal with disputed decisions personally

Chelsea coach Jose Mourinho today announced that they would no longer agree to allow referees at their matches. It follows the sensational rejection by the English FA this morning of Chelsea's offer to "buy" all premiership referees for a fee thought to be in the region of £34m.

Mourinho said he was "sick and tired" of his team being treated as if it was "just another team" when they were "clearly much bigger, better and richer than other clubs".

The smooth talking Portuguese man cited last weekend's match against Arsenal as a case in point, accusing the referee of awarding as many decisions to the opposition as to Chelsea. "We have spent shit loads more than Arsenal on our team, so why should they get treated the same? We made a very reasonable cash offer to the FA to bring the referees into our fold too but, as usual, they say no just because it's Chelsea."

In particular he was furious at the treatment of money loving Ashley Cole, adding "He cost an absolute packet and yet gets a yellow card for his first bookable foul. That's fine for your average Jose Bloggs, but players who cost as much as Ashley should be able to do what they like as long its what I tell them".

Under the new solution proposed by Mourinho, Chelsea will "referee" themselves. He maintains that this will work perfectly well with any disputed decisions being arbitrated on by him personally. Didier Drogbha was said to be delighted with the announcement, although he would miss the compulsory drama classes run at the Cobham training ground.

Blues chairman Peter Kenyon was not available for comment as he is visiting the cashpoint this week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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