Top Gear's Richard Hammond injured in Rocketfanny accident

Funny story written by Breeze

Monday, 11 December 2006

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These Rocketfannies are incredibly powerful and should not be driven by amateurs - Dr. Oddthumb

Top Gear presenter, Richard Hammond was battling for his life last night as a TV stunt went 'tits up'. Hammond was driving the new Lotus Rocketfanny when he lost control and crashed.

The Rocketfanny, said to be able to travel at speeds of up to 350 mph, exploded and, although Hammond was thrown clear, he suffered severe crotch injuries.

A safety expert, Dr Susan Oddthumb told us today. "These Rocketfannies are incredibly powerful and should not be driven by amateurs. My husband suffered a badly scorched scrotum recently when I experienced a labia blow out during high speed sex."

The Rocketfanny is the latest high performance snatch in the new Lotus range and looks set to outsell even Ford's popular 'Fannywagon'.

The popularity of these new 'Supervaginas' has led to some politicians calling for them to be banned.

"Eighteen and nineteen year-olds are able to buy these super charged, high performance Supervaginas, but they are inexperienced and not used to one with that kind of horsepower. Any fanny that can do 0 to 60 in 3.2 seconds should only be used by a professional." said ex-convict, and MP, Jeffery Archer today, speaking to us from his parole officer's house.

Superfanny enthusiast, Jeremy Clarkson, however claimed that high speed fannys were safe when used correctly. "I regularly take my wife's rocketfanny out for a spin at the weekends and it's a little cracker!" he told us. "It corners beautifully and purrs like a kitten. Hammond is just a wimp who didn't look where he was going."

Doctor's at St Guy's hospital in London said today, "Mr Hammond has had a very lucky escape. It looks as though he will make a full recovery, although he is currently undergoing surgery to reconstruct his testicles."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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