A Labour Party spokesman today confirmed that the Foreign Secretary, The RT Hon Margaret Beckett had been shot in the backside by a poacher when out for a Sunday stroll in the woods at her home constituency of Derby. Her condition is not thought to be life threatening.
Mrs Beckett had been out for a walk in the woods with her husband when a poacher chased her and shot her twice in the arse with a 12-bore shotgun mistaking her for an oversized turkey.
Paramedics and police attended the scene, where they discovered Mrs Beckett bent over a tree stump clutching her badly peppered buttocks. The poacher, who was still at the scene, was subsequently arrested.
Appearing from custody this morning charged with poaching and reckless discharge of a firearm, John Pickles, a well-known poacher in the Derby area put forward his plea of mistaken identity.
When asked to put forward his story and explanation, Mr Pickles stated to the court, "I was just out looking for a turkey for the Christmas dinner, when I saw this massive turkey strutting and gobbling about behind the trees and I just couldn't believe my luck. I thought, with the size of this bird my family will be picking away for months. So I crept up and when it saw me with my shotgun, it started to leg it. It was too good a chance to pass up so I let go both barrels, hitting it square on the arse. I just couldn't miss."
Pickles went on to explain, "It was only when I ran up to grab the beast, I realised it wasn't a turkey and I had blown Margaret Beckett's bum almost clean right off."
Presiding magistrate Richard Winston told Pickles, "Although I cannot condone poaching, I, however fully accept your plea of mistaken identity and can sympathise with you as this would have been an easy mistake to make."
Winston went on to state, "I can assure you Pickles, if this had been anybody else you had shot in the backside, I would not have hesitated to give you six months. You are free to leave the court."
Pickles confirmed when he left the court, that he was going to have roast beef for Christmas lunch.
Fellow Cabinet minister, Des Browne later stated, "We are deeply shocked about this unfortunate incident, and by way of sympathy we've had a whip round and I think we have raised enough to buy Mr Pickles a frozen turkey."
Mrs Beckett's husband Leo went on the record and said, "My wife is stable and comfortable at this time and hopes to return to work within the next few weeks. However, due to the location of her injury, she won't be able to speak untill the stitches are removed."
