Top artists suspects in major theft of their own works
NORTHMUFFIN, Great Britain -- A recent report claims "three stolen paintings by Vincent van Gogh, Pablo Picasso and Paul Gauguin may have been recovered near the British art gallery where the theft occurred."...
Read full storyMice brains enlarged, controversy rises
RIPLEY, Wyoming -- By fiddling with one gene, scientists have discovered they can increase the size of brains in mice. The process, which comes at the expense of the sanity of no less than 34 scientists, is being applauded by some and condemned by ot...
Read full storyNew terror threats proclaimed
U.S. Utterly General, Mr. John Asscraft announced new terror threats from the Al-Qaeda today.
Read full story'Crown' win could provoke skull-cracking trend
ELMONT, N.Y. -- The thoroughbred horseracing world is poised for what might possibly be a Triple Crown winner but many inside the sport are concerned that a terrible trend may accompany an historical victory.
Read full storyGE eyes Buffett in takeover bid
(NEW YORK) General Electric has announced its bid to acquire renowned investor Warren Buffett in a deal worth $47B. Buffett, whose net worth is estimated at $30.5B, would be exchanged for $6B in cash and $41B in GE preferred stock.
Read full storyBush Rebukes Amnesty International
Responding to Amnesty International's report on the war on terrorism and how it is eroding the rights of people around the globe, U.S. President George W. Bush went on the attack today, referring to the group as, "a bunch of damn, dirty hipp...
Read full storyBush eyes Democracy R Us in Iraq
As the clock tick, tick, ticks toward the June 30 transfer of power to a pseudo-sovereign Iraq, President Bush laid out a five-point plan to boost his bum approval rating. Apart from some creative pronunciation of those pesky words Abu Ghraib,* t...
Read full storyMan Sues God
Earth - Earth Man Gregory Tinkle today sues God, the almighty, the Grand Master of all time and the unquestionable one, for exactly £8,600,000.49. The man accuses God of ruining his life right after he took away the lives of his beloved mother, sons...
Read full story"American Terrorist" Finalists Chosen
They started from a pool of 1,500 hopefuls, each one a hard-bitten terrorist living somewhere in the United States. They came from all over the world to compete, some with no visible means of support. Last night, after all the votes were tallied, on...
Read full storyTony Blair In Assassination Plot
Three separate sources from three very different government departments all verify and counter-verify reports emanating from rancorous members of the Labour Party that Tony Blair is under investigation for plotting the murder of Dalstone Palm...
Read full storyArlington Cemetery to be renovated as Iraqi Freedom National Theme Park
Washington DC -- Vice President, Executive Branch Czar, and acting Superintendent of Arlington National Cemetery Dick Cheney announced today that that since there are no longer any Americans employed in the armed services, the cemetery will be close...
Read full storyU.S. Employment up 12%
Only thirteen employed people left in America, Bureau of Labor Statistics has two of them.
Read full storyMuslim Cleric Fails in Attempt to Start Terror Training Camp in U.S., Left Eye Blamed
Eugene, OR - Radical Muslim Cleric Mustafa Kamel Mustafa was arrested in London Thursday for his role in trying to start a terrorist training camp on U.S. soil. Officials say Mustafa was the key figure in a small al-Qaeda group that was actively recr...
Read full storyHamza extradition: cleric 'planned US holiday camps'
Radical Muslim preacher Abu Hamza has appeared before London magistrates and has been charged with taking hostas from the Chelsea flower show as well as trying to set up holiday camps in the US. The 47 year old was arrested at 0300BST in response to...
Read full storyGeorge Bush to Throttle Disabled Girl's Kitten on Live TV
It has been revealed that President Bush will kill a disabled girl's kitten during a special programme to be filmed live on Sunday morning.
Read full storyJohn Prescott - Obesity Not an Issue
Deputy PM John Prescott, fat - NOT obese, claims that the media is over exaggerating the so called obesity issue and claims it is complete nonsense.
Read full storyCommons Security Review Actioned
After the "flour bombing" incident during the recent Prime Minister's Question Time. Leader of the House of Commons has delivered his review of House of Commons security measures.
Read full storyHippies stand up for terrorist's rights, get slapped.
Sacremento - Rainbow Horkenheimer, a left-wing political activist is pounding the pavement on the West Coast, handing out leaflets about the necessity of extending tolerance and kindness to terrorists.
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