GE eyes Buffett in takeover bid

Funny story written by James Peters

Thursday, 27 May 2004

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Buffett: will he go quietly?

(NEW YORK) General Electric has announced its bid to acquire renowned investor Warren Buffett in a deal worth $47B. Buffett, whose net worth is estimated at $30.5B, would be exchanged for $6B in cash and $41B in GE preferred stock.

The move was praised by investment analysts, though Buffet himself has yet to endorse the deal.

"I didn't get this far in life to be assimilated by a light bulb company. I'm still alive, for chrissakes. What if they decide to break me up?" said the maverick septuagenarian, speaking from an undisclosed location.

Sources say Buffett has doubled his personal security detail since the announcement, amid concerns that the corporate giant might attempt to take him over prior to a GE shareholder vote scheduled for later this summer.

"We understand Mr. Buffet's feelings," said Allan Durbin, head of acquisitions at GE. "And we trust that Warren will soon realize how important this deal is to his best interests."

The purchase of private citizens by corporations, though rare, is not without precedent. In 1958, RCA purchased Elvis Presley for the paltry sum of $50,000, only to see their investment mushroom to $278M by the mid-70's.

And the corporate acquisition of political figures is quite common, notes John Pearle, Chief Investment Strategist for Goldman Sachs.

"These deals aren't publicly announced, but they happen all the time. Lockheed's bailout of Reagan in '80, for instance. And then of course there's GW's sale to Halliburton in 1999. That deal continues to generate billions for Halliburton, and from what I understand, GW has hardly been missed," Pearle said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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