Sacremento - Rainbow Horkenheimer, a left-wing political activist is pounding the pavement on the West Coast, handing out leaflets about the necessity of extending tolerance and kindness to terrorists.
"We need to be much more sensitive to the world's terror-facilitation specialists," said Horkenheimer, 56, refraining from using the epithet ‘terrorist' because it could wound the feelings of people like Osama Bin Laden, wounding their inner child as they plummet 747's into office buildings and murder thousands of people.
Horkenheimer, a long time peacenik, feels strongly that, "those people in the World Trade Center died because it was, like, their karmic destiny, dude. And if we weren't so mean to the world's terror-facilitation specialists, these things wouldn't happen. So it's really America's fault."
Others like Horkenheimer feel that the United States is carrying out an immoral crusade in Iraq. Sunbeam McGill, 54, Horkenheimer's androgynous "life-mate" is organizing a support group called "Americans Anonymous," in which people can be relieved of excessive loyalty to their country by not cutting their hair, smoking marijuana by the pound, and using patchouli in a misguided effort to mask the fact that they haven't bathed since the Big Bang.
"We need to be naked and like, go back to nature, dude," says McGill. "Then there won't be anymore terror and stuff."
John Ashcroft is expected to visit Horkenheimer and McGill's "Hippe-Dippy New Age Tea Room," and pimp slap them for several hours later this week.
DISCLAIMER AND WARNING: The author of this article neither likes hippies nor is he about to apologize for his feelings about them. Any hate e-mails he receives will be published and laughed at.