Top 10 Reasons NYS Senate Should Pass Soda/Junk Food Vending Ban
10. The NYS Assembly passed the bill 139-5 yesterday to get rid of junk food and soda from school vending machines. The 5 dissenters had wrappers in their desk.
Read full storyGeorge Bush likens crashing his bicycle to soldiers storming Normandy beaches on D-Day
AIR FORCE ACADEMY, Colo. - Likening crashing off his bicycle to soldiers storming Normany beaches on D-Day, 1944, President Bush urged support on Wednesday for his efforts to spread freedom and democracy in the Middle East despite the angry distrust...
Read full storyA Paid Advertisment by George W. Bush
My fellow Americans: As your President, I have tried my best to make all the money flow to the rich where it can do the most good. I have tried to give my friends in the oil bidness all the breaks they deserve. Meanwhile, the Democrats have de...
Read full storyWhite House Announces Iraqi Name Changes
(Washington D.C.) -- The White House has announced today that in order to make the war in Iraq less foreign to the American people it will be changing the names of many of the Iraqi Cities and most it's population to names that are more easily pr...
Read full storyMan Refuses to Depress Caps Lock
Springfield, IL - Carl Zimmerman never intended to ruffle anyone's feathers when he purchased his first personal computer and hopped online in the spring of 1998. The first few months of his new venture proved fruitful, an establish email addr...
Read full storyBush In Love Triangle
The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) announced today they could no longer remain neutral in the Presidential race in light of revelations that President Bush has been engaged in a long term love triangle of a...
Read full storyChange of Careers, Show on The Road, Down with Edumication!!
Women who waste their money on education, etc. were definitely ill-advised. The Jugs industry whether it be the big one or the small one is a field of endeavor that many women should agreeably seek. Take NBC for example, they utilize every advantage they could muster in order to exploit ideas from those dumb women who waste money on education. Guys like Jay Leno, seems to admire those educ...
Read full storyPolice Close China Boat
Police in Wetumpka, Illinois, have closed down the China Boat Chinese restaurant after a special promotion went awry and parents complained.
Read full storyNew miracle medicines revealed
Once there wasn't even a drug to take away the pain of surgery. Today there are drugs that keep people on their feet even when their feet are ridden with severe Cyocosis and their toenails grow inside out. Scientists say that if the progress of medicine continues at the rate it is going now, the life-expectancy of a human being will be 234 by the year 2989. But that is just an estimati...
Read full storyEpsom Derby: fraud squad question McTomb trainer
(Tattenham Corner, Wednesday) In a series of dawn raids early this morning, officers of New Scotland Yard's elite S.O.B Unit (Fraud) paid a series of surprise visits in the Newmarket area of Suffolk ahead of this Saturday's Epsom Derby to...
Read full storyKansas Teen Wins Geography Bee
Washington - Crediting hard work and his fervent urge to be anywhere but Kansas, 14-year-old Overland Park, KS resident Andrew Wojtanik has captured the 2004 National Geographic Bee.
Read full storyMichael Moore to adopt George Bush policy for 'Fahrenheit 9/11' protesters?
HOLLYWOOD - The U.S. premiere date for Michael Moore's controversial Bush documentary, Fahrenheit 9/11, has been announced as June 25 and Moore's security service today denied the adoption of a U.S. Secret Service policy that will keep protesters out...
Read full storyVenus event rare and bright
HALLMARK, Idaho - The planet Venus will cross the sun's path in dramatic fashion next week. It is a sight not witnessed by earthlings for more than a century. And, the last remaining witness of the event, Irma Milkwanderer, died recently of a rar...
Read full storyPope to canonise General Pinochet
(Santa Monicalewinski, Chile) Following last week's widespread euphoria among the cocaine-growing agricultural community south of Santiago that former dictator General Pinochet had been stripped of immunity from prosecution for torture and mass...
Read full storyBarney Receives Presidential Pardon
WASHINGTON DC (AP) Barney Bush was pardoned for his role in the Abu Ghraib prison abuse scandal. The announcement was made on the White House lawn---just after Barney relieved himself in the tall grass. After his fourth attempt at using the P...
Read full storyRyan Seacrest Elected Mayor of Atlanta
He hosts American Idol. He is the star of his own talk show. And now he is about to take on a new role: mayor of a major American city.
Read full storyClub Abu Ghraib? US Military Unprepared For Flood of Iraqi War Tourists!
Unconfirmed Sources reports interest in Iraqi war tourism caught US Military by surprise. Interest in the country heated up as soon as the fighting began and the civilian leadership of the US Military just hadn't planned for it. Vacationers to th...
Read full storyOil prices cause riots at stock exchanges
NEW YORK CITY -- Oil prices jumped to record prices the other day and traders in Europe and the United States went berserk. Experts say the surge in prices made traders violent, punching and slapping one another and stomping on the floor of the excha...
Read full storyBush is new Marble Comics superhero
New York, N.Y. - Marble Comics announced today that it has decided to publish a new line of comics depicting U.S. President George.W.Bush as a new superhero, the Oil Man. The CEO of Marble Enterprises, Mr. Zveider Mann, revealed today that Marble w...
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