10. The NYS Assembly passed the bill 139-5 yesterday to get rid of junk food and soda from school vending machines. The 5 dissenters had wrappers in their desk.
9. The title is not "Of Mice and M&M's."
8. It's a myth that jelly beans give you movie star good looks -- or that it increases the likelihood you'll be Leader of the Free World. Okay, never mind.
7. It will make you feel good without any sugar high -- besides, Coca-Cola made you go Dutch this year.
6. Drinking water out of the fountain (instead of soda) decreases the risk of oesophageal cancer by 47% -- and the amount of bubble gum in the fountain will drop 87%.
5. Letting Big Business kill legislation in the Senate Education Committee while having State Education Department Commissioner Mills issue a BOLO Alert for the 7 students who plan on cheating on this year's Regents is not going to work.
4. How do you think Santa Claus got so fat?
3 . Those School Boards, Superintendents, and food service people lobbying against the legislation can make just as much money from the sale of healthy beverages even if they aren't good enough students to know it -- they are the same guys going to the P.A. system yelling "Metallica rules!"
2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly Corrosive Materials -- and the trucks have been targeted for hijacking by "Jafar the Pilot" because he really never was very good at flying.
1. Chocolate bars in GI rations, in fact, never saved downed fighter pilots during WW II as one Assemblyman claimed during the debate yesterday -- the values they were taught in school did.
