Police Close China Boat

Funny story written by Chuck Barber

Wednesday, 2 June 2004


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The Offending Restaurant Marquee

Police in Wetumpka, Illinois, have closed down the China Boat Chinese restaurant after a special promotion went awry and parents complained.

Initially envisioned as an educational opportunity for parents and children interested in yoga and massage, the "Children Touch Please" seminar should have provided information and hands-on experience in a non-threatening environment.

Unfortunately, the sign which read "Children Touch Please Seminar" was altered by a prankster to read "Children Touch Penis Free." The new sign significantly altered the dynamics of the event.

Attended by over fifty parents and children the seminar ended in tears, screams and the flashing blue lights of the Wetumpka police.

"It was terrible," said Bogart Jenkins, father of an eight year old boy who attended. "The literature promised yoga for kids and then all of a sudden, there's Mr. Carl dancing around with his penis exposed."

Mr. Carl is Carl Freders, 70, a long time boy scout leader. When police arrived Freders was standing on a makeshift stage pants unzipped and exposed. "He was dancing to some ABBA song he was singing and shaking his hips back and forth."

Freders was one thing, but the sign attracted a large crowd of middle aged men who tried to push into the small dining area. Jenkins continued, "they were looking in the window and steamed them up and then they forced their way in, we couldn't get out! Most of them had their pants down around their knees."

Melanie Bordis, mother of one of the girls in attendance said as she hurried out, "It was supposed to be hands on, but not hands on Mr. Carl."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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