Written by Rodd Justice

Sunday, 5 October 2003

image for Police Academy Star Runs for Presidency
'Parp Parp!'

That Guy Who Made Sound Effects, star of seven ‘Police Academy' films is 15% ahead in the polls in the Presidential election campaign.

He has led ever since last week's televised debate with his opponent, where he responded to criticisms over his economic policies by imitating the sound of a blender.

That Guy, 52, is running as a Republican with a promise to make politics more relevant to everyday folk by being a bizarre celebrity. His proposals include more Police Academies, more diplomatic Missions to Moscow and a tax cut for makers of terrible comedies.

He is trouncing his rivals in the polls, who include three porn stars, a man with ‘SHIT' tattooed on his forehead and a corpse.

That Guy Who Made Sound Effects' campaign has been damaged in the past week because of allegations relating to his time as a Hollywood movie star. He is alleged to have groped a woman's breasts and made ‘parp parp' sounds, done human beat box during sex with deaf prostitutes, and taught Hitler how to make the sound of a Howitzer.

But, with such a clear lead, only the release of the gut-wrenchingly-awful eighth instalment of the ‘Police Academy' series will stop him from winning the election.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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