Saddam Take-Out Plans Revealed

Funny story: Saddam Take-Out Plans Revealed

The United States has revealed its audacious plans to remove Saddam Hussain from power in Iraq. This comes after fresh accusations of him using weapons of mass-destruction to feed infants as young as seventeen years old. President Bush said in hi...

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Israel Attacks Arafat's Pants

Funny story: Israel Attacks Arafat's Pants

Israeli warplanes have attacked the symbolic target of Yasser Arafat's underpants drawer and the strategic Ramallah quarry. Arafat's personalised "Hail to the Chief" underpants represent his leadership of the Palestinian embryonic state, one that...

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Hero Squirrel Thwarts Nemesis

Funny story: Hero Squirrel Thwarts Nemesis

David the makeup wearing (though fully heterosexual) squirrel has, today, successfully thwarted the evil plan of his arch enemy Dr. Evil Squirrel, who was attempting to gain access to the USA's nuclear missile launch codes. Dr. Evil Squirrel (kno...

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Slipknot Hire Llewelyn Bowen

Funny story: Slipknot Hire Llewelyn Bowen

In what is being heralded as the most surprising move in any band's career, thrash metallers "Slipknot" have hired the talents of interior designer Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. Bowen, 36 is rumoured to be thrilled by the new prospect, and is already in t...

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Smiling Norman Tossed Off By Loose Slag

Funny story: Smiling Norman Tossed Off By Loose Slag

The earth certainly moved for lucky Norman Gingham last Saturday night. "What an experience," he told us from his home yesterday. "It's the first time anything remotely like this has happened to me, I can tell you. What a bloody night that was!"...

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Cement man eats fruit fly shocker

Funny story: Cement man eats fruit fly shocker

It has recently been reported that the worlds smallest cement man, handily named Cement Man, has devoured a fruit fly! These shocking events were unveiled earlier this week, it has created a massive response world-wide with riots in every major ci...

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Thatcher's Gob Dead!

Funny story: Thatcher's Gob Dead!

Margaret Thatcher pretty much died this week, now that she's unable to spook politicians with her outspoken brain-thoughts. takes a look back at her mouth's life? 1959 - Elected as Member of Parliament for the first time. A yout...

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Crooks Never Sleep

It was another hot December's day, and I'd had all but loaded the Station Wagon when to my suprise I found a Man sleeping in the backseat. I ran inside my 2-bedroom home, dashed through the kitchen, and decided to take my mind off of what I had seen...

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Coronation Street Star gets Kylie's Arse

Funny story: Coronation Street Star gets Kylie's Arse

Coronation Street's master butcher, Fred Elliot, was the envy of the Showbiz world when he bought Kylie's bum at a charity auction. The auction was held because the gorgeous megastar decided that it was only fair to share the 'leftovers' from the...

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Obesity-Related Injuries Reported

Mr. Homer Bloat, of Altoona, Pennsylvania, was arrested by police last week for his part in an incident in which several people were injured. Mr. Bloat, who is very corpulent (and whose nickname in Immoblie Home), was given a jogging suit by his w...

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Nigella Lawson and Ronald McDonald to divorce

Funny story: Nigella Lawson and Ronald McDonald to divorce

"It just wasn't working out between us" claimed Nigella, 73, emerging from the solicitors office with Ronald McDonald. "I was on the bounce from John (Diamond, her previous husband who died a few years ago, was a top journalist and to whom this r...

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Bobby Davro is EMINEM

Funny story: Bobby Davro is EMINEM

Bobby Davro, considered one of the greatest living comedians has announced that he is the real slim shady! The announcement brings an end to rumours that Bobby Davro had started selling carpets. "Yeah" he said "I am the mastermind behind Eminem.

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Phil 'The Power' Taylor wins Dutch Pop Idol

Funny story: Phil 'The Power' Taylor wins Dutch Pop Idol

Darts legend, 9 times SKOL world champion, Phil 'The Power' Taylor has shocked pop fans in Holland by winning through the arduous Pop Idol Competition. "Admittedly, the Dutch competition isn't as difficult as the British one, but Holland is a big...

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Nearly the end of the world

Funny story: Nearly the end of the world

It should have been the end of the world earlier this morning as a huge asteroid slammed into the Earth at an unimaginable speed. Fortunately for us, another asteroid crashed into us from the exact opposite angle at the exact same time causing bo...

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Greek Spies Await Decision

A group of Greek holidaymakers are been held in Britain indefinitely whilst a decision is being made as to whether they should be formally charged with spying. The twelve-strong group, disguised as two families, first aroused suspicions whe...

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"Ali Me" Film Offends Ethnics

Funny story: "Ali Me" Film Offends Ethnics

The latest film that's expected to get 14-year-old kids repeating his sweary catch phrases, is released this week. The film: "I'm A White Man that Does Them Nigga Phrases", stars Ali Me, a character devised by self-proclaimed genius Jama Viceroy-Plag...

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Time 'Criminals' To Be Penalised! Clock detector vans to round up offenders!

Funny story: Time 'Criminals' To Be Penalised! Clock detector vans to round up offenders!

The government has issued a stern warning to the British public: put your clocks forward before 2am on the 31st of March and face the consequences. "It is an offence and legal action will be taken against any offenders," Time Minister, Gerald Smith t...

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Gordon Burns: "I am KRYPTOMAN"

"Superman was allergic to anything krypto-. I thrive on the stuff!" claimed Gordon Burns, former host of The Krypton Factor and proud owner of the smallest head in show business, before a press conference. Burns went on to explain that his super p...

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Jury: Buck did not cause 9/11

Peter Buck was not responsible for the 9/11th September 11th atrocities, a court in Middlesex has decided. Happy New Yorkers now call for a tribute to the REM pensioner. The verdict comes as a relief for the REM guitarist, who claimed, "the only...

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Andrea yates found dead

Murderer and insane crazy b*tch Andrea Yates has been found dead in her cell. Security camera footage has shown her mother running in with a knife and stabbing her repeatedly in the chest screaming "I'm sorry, I'm just a bad mother!!!" The footage...

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Bill Gates Kills Linux

Funny story: Bill Gates Kills Linux

Bill Gates, the money grabbing monopolist, yesterday achieved his aim of killing Linux when Linus Torvalds, the eminent creator of what is acclaimed to be "the best OS in the world today" was savagely murdered by a Microsoft designed virus. The ne...

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Warnock's Gang Mean Business!

Neil Warnock and his Sheffield United football team - who on Saturday successfully kicked the shit out of a West Brom side who mistakenly thought they were playing in a football match - have been asked to stand down as players and become supporters i...

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Guantanamo Bay Prisoners Get More

Funny story: Guantanamo Bay Prisoners Get More

In an attempt to compromise with the demands being put forward in court by families of the prisoners being held there, US military officials are increasing the rights of all suspects at Guantanamo Bay, of which there are now in excess of 300. The...

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Israelibus Introduces Suicide Saver Ticket

Funny story: Israelibus Introduces Suicide Saver Ticket

Israeli bus company officials today unveiled their new 'Suicide Saver' ticket that promises significant savings on the cost of a standard return fare. The tickets, which may be purchased on the day of travel at any Hamas explosives outlet, are the la...

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Easter Bunny retires after family tragedy

Funny story: Easter Bunny retires after family tragedy

The Easter Bunny has retired from the business after a long and prosperous reign as the number 1 chocolate delivering animal. His retirement came very shortly after police released information that 3 of Mr. Bunny's 5,258 children were taken hostage a...

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Sir Elton John Asked To Sing At QM's Funeral

Funny story: Sir Elton John Asked To Sing At QM's Funeral

The remaining members of the Royal Family have asked Sir Elton John to sing "There's No-one Quite Like Grandma" at The Queen Mother's funeral. The song - which was so beautifully sung by St Winifred's Girl's School Choir back in 1981 to commemorate t...

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Dead Queen Mum causes havoc

Funny story: Dead Queen Mum causes havoc

The death of the Queen Mother has caused chaos throughout the world. The greatest effect is that to the most important institution in the world: British Television. The two main channels, BBC1 and ITV1, have decided to cancel all programming on t...

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All is Fair in Love and War

Funny story: All is Fair in Love and War

It has been reported by scientists at the University of Berkley, California, that 'all really is fair in love and war'. The study, part funded by the Pentagon and the Seventh-day Adventist Church of America Ltd, surveyed couples in the West-Texas ar...

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Wife Forces Man to Buy Minivan

The mood was somber at Rico's Southwestern Tavern last night as five men came together to mourn the lost youth of David Chambers, whose wife forced him to buy a minivan. "Look at that thing!" Chambers exclaimed, sorrowfully pointing to the burgund...

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70s police drama addict caused Sept 11 crash

Funny story: 70s police drama addict caused Sept 11 crash

It has been revealed that the plane which struck the South Tower of the World Trade Centre had been hijacked by a Jordanian former traffic policeman with a mania for straight-to-video 70s cop films. Mr Abdul Love Hewitt III, latterly of Monterrey...

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Funny story: Masturbation=Bad??

That's right people. A new study by the institute of Pointless Research has found that every time a person masturbates, they in fact, manage to kill a kitten. The study took 70 people, male and female, randomly kidnapped from the street and had...

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Government spy bulbs

Funny story: Government spy bulbs

In a shocking discovery made by intrepid wannabe scientist, Mark Bramwell, it has been found that every single lightbulb in every single house in every single street on every single... Umm every single light bulb contains top secret high-tech govern...

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Blair's Worrying Wrinkly Erections

Funny story: Blair's Worrying Wrinkly Erections

Tony Blair was in jubilant mood, today, because he had solved the problem of funding pensions for the ageing population. "It's so simple" he enthused, "I'll kill the wrinkly old gits off with my new 'wonder- drug', which I've named DIE-AGRA". "Thi...

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Basingstoke Pensioner Accused Of Stockpiling Jif

Funny story: Basingstoke Pensioner Accused Of Stockpiling Jif

Basingstoke pensioner Mrs Alma Potter (87) claimed today that she had been named by US President George Dubya Bush as the next likely target in his war against terrorism. Speaking through the letterbox of her terraced home at number seven Albion S...

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Queen Mother - Alive!

Representatives from the union of Documentary and Tributary Film Makers will today travel to Buckingham Palace to protest about the queen mother's seemingly endless longevity. "We've had the queen mother's life tributes in the can since 1961," sai...

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Woman Suffers Death By Max Bygraves

Police are investigating how a Yorkshire woman was killed today when a recording of Max Bygraves's song 'You Need Hands' became stuck in her CD player's replay mode. "We estimate the song played well over three hundred times," said Inspector Moros...

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British curlers to pose naked

Funny story: British curlers to pose naked

Having been the toast of the country, British gold medallist curlers have really felt the publicity drought recently. This has influenced their recent announcement that they are to pose naked for 'front' magazine.

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Gareth Gates can speak!

Funny story: Gareth Gates can speak!

In a shocking revelation, has found out that Gareth GGGGGGGGGates can actually speak properly. He announced this after revealing that Will only announced he was Gay due to him losing a contest of truth or dare, and the same apparently ap...

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Robert Mugabe Goes Nude Ice Skating

Funny story: Robert Mugabe Goes Nude Ice Skating

Robert Mugabe celebrated his election victory, yesterday, by opening the 'Idi Amin' outdoor ice skating rink in the Zimbabwe capital, Harare.

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All cartoon characters are real

Funny story: All cartoon characters are real

There is a point every person's life where they find out that cartoons are not real. This happens at the tender age of 5 in the summer as the parents want them out of the house. The sucide rate at this time is phenomenal. However, cartoon char...

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