Written by swell

Wednesday, 20 March 2002

image for Nigella Lawson and Ronald McDonald to divorce
Ronald, in his weekend attire.

"It just wasn't working out between us" claimed Nigella, 73, emerging from the solicitors office with Ronald McDonald.

"I was on the bounce from John (Diamond, her previous husband who died a few years ago, was a top journalist and to whom this reporter means NO DISRESPECT WHATSOEVER. Got that sorted, then. On with the story...), and Ron needed a partner to take his mind off his surpressed homoerotic desires for the Hamburglar.

Everything just fitted into place. It just turned ugly a few months ago. I think it was that fucking McChoice menu that really started things off."

The financial settlement looks like being complicated, involving money from Nigella's 'how to be a domestic goddess' series, and Ronald's 'How to get round underage employment, hygeine and monopoly laws' series.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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