Written by Michael Simmonite

Wednesday, 20 March 2002

Neil Warnock and his Sheffield United football team - who on Saturday successfully kicked the shit out of a West Brom side who mistakenly thought they were playing in a football match - have been asked to stand down as players and become supporters instead.

United Chairman, Derek Dooley said: "This is exactly the kind of gutsy determination needed to spur the team on.

"It's an honour," said the proud United ex-manager who was trying to secure a place for the club in the Sheffield and District Sunday six-a-side-league for next season, until this offer came along.

"Me and the lads are all for it. We're all off to the Army surplus stores to get kitted up in time for next Saturday's match.

"And if things don't go the way we planned," he said, "We'll just pretend to be injured."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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