The Hawking Phenomenon
It has very frequently been alleged by Stephen Hawking and many other prominent scientists and physicists the world over, that our universe, rather than expanding, is actually collapsing in upon itself. Meaning, that in keeping with Einstein's th...
Read full storyMore Afghans Hit
Reports have emerged that at least 4 more Afghans have been hit by Americans overnight.
Read full storyEscapologist Gets Roped Into Prison Escape Bid!
Yesterday it transpired that an escapologist by the name of Keys Maloney was involved in a prison escape bid with auctioneer Harry Dunworthy. The bid, which took place at Dartmoor, involved Keys Maloney in infiltrating an auction house and waiting p...
Read full storyNew Glue
British scientists have announced today that they have formulated a glue which they believe is the strongest in the world.
Read full storyManson 'Normal' Shock
Outrageous rocker Marilyn Manson has once again shocked the rock establishment by announcing his decision to become "normal".
Read full storyBackmarker Of The Pack Celebrates
The backmarker of the pack celebrates his 60th birthday today. Rider Tommy Leathwood is the only surviving member of the motorcycle pack in which the leader famously died in 1965.
Read full storyLicense to Ill
There was a time when Britain just had to worry about its raging drug problem. Now, there is a new social plague on our streets, and it is people who deal and take illness purely for recreation.
Read full storyThe Panel Debate
I was watching one of these CNN panel debates recently, which included the usual vast array of conflicting views and personalities, when it suddenly dawned on me that perhaps, just perhaps -- this is the very reason that the Big Entity upstairs decid...
Read full story"Bin Laden Most Wanted" Declares Fashion Victim
Fashion expert John Gaudie has said it is "quite right too" that Osama Bin Laden is the world's most wanted man. "I really want to get my hands on him" he said last night.
Read full storyPop group Steps to be Reclassified
In an extraordinary move Home Secretary David Blunkett has forwarded proposals for the cheesy pop/ novelty covers band Steps to be reclassified.
Read full storyGlobal Coalition Widens its Net
The global campaign against terrorism is not just targeted against Osama Bin Laden. Other groups and individuals are in the frame, and are set to receive a blast to the past from our hi-tech weaponry. The groups operate in Spain, Britain and the USA,...
Read full storySexy Kylie fights dirty in the gutter?
The Press Complaints Authority issued its strongest protest yet over harassment of members of the 'gutter press' by celebrities, pop stars and members of the royal family.
Read full storyHeron Sanctuary Runs Up Huge Bill
A Heron sanctuary in Somerset has run up a huge bill.
Read full storyMichael Schumacher guilty of alcohol abuse
Michael Schumacher's career hung in the balance last night following a French court ruling that the motor racing legend had been found guilty of alcohol abuse.
Read full storyNorton Drawn Into Crime Thrillers By Old Firm
Despite pleas from his family and friends, it appears that actor Ed Norton has been persuaded to enter the dangerous world of Crime Thrillers by acquaintances Robert de Niro and Marlon Brando. The trio, who recently appeared together in The Score, ha...
Read full storyTHS students: 'Don't do anthrax'
Throughout the nation, Americans are reading of important people being sent mail that has traces of anthrax in it.
Read full storyJohn Rocker pitches new album
Baseball reliever and bigot John Rocker has a new pitch. "If you want a piece of me buy my new CD". It seems the tempermental Rocker has a country side. His new CD, "Rock Ya to Sleep" hits stores next month.
Read full storyE-Mail Virus + Man = Shenanigans
A man in Basildon is seriously ill in hospital, after contracting an e-mail virus from the Philippines. It is believed that he contracted the "Contract_Me virus" file, when he thought it looked like a mysteriously exciting file from a stra...
Read full storyEuropean Stoners Voice Concern over Afghanistan
Bordeaux, France- "What's going on over there is just making me sick," confides Xavier Baron, a part-time student and full-time raver from the southwestern France. "The international community can no longer ignore the senseless de...
Read full storyWar Dominates News
The terrorist attacks on America and war in Afghanistan is dominating the news so much that other important news is not being covered in the media. Government announcements, scandals and other necessary information are not being covered. This report...
Read full storySport favours morons
At school, sport's day was one of those classic occasions in which the strong survive and the weak get hurt and then later lambasted for it.
Read full storyMasked Bandit Strikes Again
The Masked Bandit of Cardiff, known locally as 'The Masked Bandit of Cardiff' and nationally as 'The Masked Bandit of Cardiff' yesterday struck out at people who tease ants by laying a trail of lemon curd from their nest to a flaming...
Read full storyPropaganda 'Missing Point'
American propaganda drops over Afghanistan have not been effective in winning over the Taliban orientated population, because they have been "missing the point".
Read full storyAmbulance Chasers R' Us will make you RICH!
Well, how rich do you want to be? If you are a poor, talentless, loser, then its time you consulted our resident team of cheats, liars and fraudsters at 'AMBULANCE CHASERS R' US'.
Read full storyStrange Field Found In Crop Circle!
Yesterday morning a strange field was discovered in the middle of a farmer's crop circle. The crop circle, belonging to Farmer B. Rownian-Motion, was just an ordinary everyday...
Read full storyMan Discover Best Friend In Bed With Himself
Mr Keith Bullfinchle of Barry, Wales, today revealed to me that he found his best friend in bed with himself.
Read full storyTree Attendant Questions Union About Job!
A Tree attendant yesterday wrote a damning letter to PANTS, the union of Peasants and ANTS questioning his job role.
Read full storyWho wants to be ILL ON AIR!
Coughing during the recording of glitzy game shows is to become illegal. Would-be members of carefully hand-picked studio audiences will have to sign a declaration stating that they 'will not cough, clear throats or do anything else likely to spr...
Read full storyCharlie Dimmock's nipples fail to erect
The BBC switchboard was jammed after last week's edition of Groundforce brought a flood of complaints from angry male viewers.
Read full storyNew Strain of Rabies Found in Ants!
Last week, Scientists at the University of Wales discovered a new strain of rabies in ants.
Read full storyProjects Cancelled in Wake of Terror Attacks
Dumb-O-Rama TV was forced to cancel an episode of it's top rated show "An Audience With?" after it was revealed that Osama Bin Laden was presenting. The audience was apparantly made up of Islamic Jihad, the Real IRA and the surviving me...
Read full storyWoman Shoplifted Goods In Her Eyebags
A woman has been sentenced to 6 months in prison for stealing over £10,000 of goods from various shops. Over the course of a year, she had been concealing items including buttons, soap-powder, and fridge-freezers in her prodigious eyebags.
Read full storyBen And Bessie To Marry
Aunt Bessie, the Yorkshire pudding millionairess and Uncle Ben, the rice magnate are engaged again and will marry next year, according to close friends.
Read full storyCopa Challenged as Hottest Spot North of Havana
In a major coup, the Casa Nina, a show bar in the Florida Keys, has claimed to be THE hottest spot north of Havana, and dismissed the Copacabana as a "commercial tourist trap".
Read full storyFloods! Don't Panic! Don't Panic!
Forget war in Afghanistan; forget AIDS in Africa; real news could affect your Little English selves! Summer's gone, and so it's time for localised flooding to take over the news. Small-scale damage will occur for a day or two in towns like...
Read full storyScientists : 65% of Vampire bats are show-offs
In a report out today, scientists suggest that 65% of all bats who categorise themselves as "Vampire" are just exaggerating to look big in front of their mates.
Read full storyHoax 999 Caller Foiled By Hoax Police & Fire Crew!
A hoax 999 caller was foiled yesterday as he tried to call out Fire, Police and Ambulance crews to a disused warehouse in Newport, Gwent.
Read full storyWorld Recession Hits Bling Bling
The International slow in economic growth has finally hit the hip-hop community, as financiers report a 23' drop in bling-bling since July. Based on figures for the last fiscal year, the rate of bling-bling has dropped for the first time this dec...
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