World Recession Hits Bling Bling

Written by Kirsty Walker

Friday, 9 November 2001

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The International slow in economic growth has finally hit the hip-hop community, as financiers report a 23' drop in bling-bling since July. Based on figures for the last fiscal year, the rate of bling-bling has dropped for the first time this decade. The global recession is blamed, though domestic influences such as the dumping of P Diddy by J-Lo may have indirectly contributed.

The recession has seen artists such as Lil' Kim, Dr Dre and P Diddy himself tightening their belts in preparation for a further slide in growth. Staff at Jay Z's favourite restaurant reported that, rather than his usual 6 bottles of Crissy, the rapper opted for a glass of the house white. The economic downturn has also seen Lil' Kim wearing a gold-plated choker adorned with Cubic Zirconias to a recent movie premier. Reports of a drive-by shooting conducted from a Honda Civic are as yet unconfirmed.

In the City, traders are optimistic that pick-ups in the prices of Gold and "Ice" are a sign that the bling bling situation will soon be upgraded from "nasty" to "whack". In the meantime, P Diddy's spokesperson has stated that Puff is no longer All About the Benjamins, but will be All About the Franklins until further notice.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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