Written by Rodd Justice

Friday, 9 November 2001

image for Global Coalition Widens its Net
Old trick works well

The global campaign against terrorism is not just targeted against Osama Bin Laden. Other groups and individuals are in the frame, and are set to receive a blast to the past from our hi-tech weaponry. The groups operate in Spain, Britain and the USA, and are spreading globally.

One of Europe's great terrorist threats is in Spain. An international strike has been planned against bulls, which have apparently been using violence against the Spaniards for centuries. The only effective defence against the bulls has been the Matadors, who often get tusked in the buttocks as a result of their brave actions. US Foreign Minister Jerry Cat said "the Spanish are such a brave people, but they have put up with this threat for far too long - they even consider bull fighting to be part of their culture?so courageous."

In Britain, Guy Fawkes, the Catholic Osama Bin Laden of his day, has his own day in history in Britain, November 5th,, when he attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament. Fawkes' terrorist supporters have planned and held huge celebrations in his honour ever since his capture in the 17th century. They organise large fireworks displays to remind the British of what Fawkes is capable of, striking fear into the hearts of a brave nation. It is believed that the terrorist sympathisers who plan this festival have infiltrated local councils, and use taxpayer's money to pay for these evil celebrations! Even children are forced into collecting money to save a Fawkes effigy, begging for "a penny for the guy" on the streets.

Prominent in the USA, but a growing terror around the world is the celebration of the terrorists of the un-dead. Zombies organise a massive terrorist attack every October 31st, in a celebration known as Halloween.

The zombies use their corporate connections to organise mass hysteria surrounding their Halloween festival - adverts and other such PR exercises. The kids fall for it, begging their parents to disguise themselves as the un-dead. But this means the cops can't tell who is really un-dead, and who isn't, allowing the zombies to go on a terror rampage un-noticed. The terror rampage is the reason for the vast rise in vandalism, petty crime and child abduction every year on the evening of October 31st.

These groups are the most successful terrorist organisations, and have managed to infiltrate institutions of governance and economy. But who next? Prime candidate is the Una-bomber, who has people arranging for a celebration of his terrorist activities. Support is being drummed up by showing a home video show across America of letter bombs exploding, and their hilarious reactions. Luckily for sanity, the show is failing because the reaction is often death, and in the case of someone surviving, their reaction is hard to work out because their faces have usually been blown off. Thank God that taste and decency is preventing yet another sick festival of terror.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
78 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more