The Cosmos - (Lunacy): The ultimate in karmic sudden-death penalty shootouts? This weekend's ballbreaker alignment will wreak havoc with all kinds of human ball games, astrologers are warning. Think 'vasectomy snip minus the anaesthetic' as the ec...
Lonson - (Harakiri Mess): A fragile post-Budget mental state and Wednesday's ominous aspects between the Sun and Jupiter - planet of monarchy and immense oil/gas reserves - may see Queen Elizabeth finally consigned to landfill. Astrologers say an...
The Cosmos - (Karmic Mess): First there's a full moon. A few hours later the dynamic planet Uranus enters Aries the Ram. And then all hell breaks loose as Friday 28 May 2010 dawns to become the apocalyptic Day of Judgement predicted by the ancients...
Troubled star Britney Spear's life has sunk to such depths that she has contacted Russell Grant. The astrologer said, 'I got an email from Britney Spears office. Apparently she wants a reading. I need to check out its validity.' He then disappea...
Cyberspace - (Portents): A hideous Sun square Pluto aspect on Friday 26 March spells doom in the year ahead for the Dems' Madam Speaker as she turns 69. The 3.45GMT celestial clash is a cosmic foretaste of a disastrous coming 12 months which promi...
London - (Portents): The sky's on celestial viagra this Sunday as stunning astrological tumescence heralds the start of the zodiac's new year. The Aries Sun trines with Mars, sexybeast god of war in the sign of Leo, celestial big puss and cat-tha...
Gloucestershire - (Shergar Mess): A death star sigil that has suddenly appeared on World Hurdle hopeful War of Attrition's hind quarters has sent fans of the Ryanair boss-owned gelding absolutely ballistic. Michael O'Leary's racing team is having...
London - (Prudence/Jurisprudence Mess): The magnificent Sun/Moon/Mercury/Uranus conjunction at 25 degrees Pisces takes place on the historic day that disgusted Romans sent a clear message to tyrannical despot Gaius Julius Gorgon Brown Caesar. A sn...
London - (Armageddinouttahere!): As the benefic planet Venus glides majestically into Aries, the Zodiac's sign of Spring, the stage set is for the downfall of the most evil patriarchal conspiracy since the invention of the Crucifiction and its Twelv...
London - (Portents): The anagramatic ouija board was at it again this weekend, this time in Windsor Castle's notorious General Pinochet Memorial Wing, where the omens were grim. Comrade Fish and Rome Chief drew a stab, eh? flashed up dramatically...
The Chinese year of the metal tiger starts on February 14 and it's a really special year for all those people who were born in 1950, for that was the last time there was a metal tiger year. So, what can those soon to be 60 years old individuals expec...
A Chinese astrologer, born in New York, named Panda Chan has been reported as saying that the year of the Tiger is going to be great. Its going to be all fireworks and fortune. The year will start when we all win the lottery. Apparently that's...
London - (Hong Kong or King Kong?): A magnificent Valentine's Day conjunction of the Sun, Moon and Neptune this Sunday promises an apocalyptic start to the Chinese New Year. Dazzling portents herald the Return of the Tigress, a rare twist on tradi...
London - (Karmic Press): Formidable zodiac alignments this Friday all point to IRA top gun Tony Blair getting shafted. According to famous astrologer Dame Astra Rottweiler the swaggering, bombastic Opus Dei hitman has been corralled onto the Chilc...
London - (Illuminati Mess): It's billed as astrology's Clash of the Titans as the stars align for Friday's apocalyptic Mars-opposition-Sun setting at the Chilcot Inquiry. With the fiery Roman god of war at 10 degrees Leo - celestial sign of majest...
New York - (Off-the-Wall-Street): Cyberspace is abuzz with news of the karmic astrology for Barack Obama's first anniversary in office on Wednesday. The day starts with the Sun's entry into Aquarius around 4.30GMT and the begining of a magnificen...
London - (Karmic Mess): As the zodiac's magnificent Benefics change signs in tandem on Monday the final curtain falls on the wretched House of Windsor. And with it the tyrranical Gorgon Brown pederastocracy that has appeased wannabe Tory dictator...
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