The Cosmos - (Karmic Mess): First there's a full moon. A few hours later the dynamic planet Uranus enters Aries the Ram. And then all hell breaks loose as Friday 28 May 2010 dawns to become the apocalyptic Day of Judgement predicted by the ancients.
"The angle in the sky that this new planetary set-up creates is known as a Giant T-Square," Hellfire Club stargazer Sir Patrick Mort commented today.
"What it means in everyday parlance is that we can expect the shit to hit the cosmic fan before lunchtime on Friday."
Mort was speaking to reporters following a story that fully-fledged Armageddon is about to drop the Hellfire Club's shadowy world puppet government into the seething quagmire of unfinshed cold war business.
His comments were being tracked in earnest by astrologers worldwide who have written reams of garbage about the impact of the celestial geometry.
Cyber spread-betting index Aintgottaprayer.con is still offering good odds of 5/4fav that Friday's 1.43GMT aspect merely heralds the inevitable death of Hellfire Club matriarch Old Fatty Mountbatten.
Charles and Camilla in hiding.
