Cabo San Lucas, Mexico - Seven-year-old Johnny Dorrey and his little sister, Brook, were on spring break vacation with their parents, at a fancy resort in Cabo this week, when they thought they saw a familiar face, sitting under a beach umbrella, enjoying the sun and surf while relaxing with a big Pina Colada. The two children couldn't believe their eyes, and they plucked up the courage to go...
Washington, D.C. - A recent survey of over 1000 elephants from zoos across America, confirmed what biologists who study the great, big animals have thought all along - elephants are very aware that they are the face of the Republican Party - and they...
Rio De Janeiro, Brazil - The Head of the International Olympic Committee announced on Monday that his hard-working team has figured out an interesting approach to dealing with the disgusting cesspool that laps at Rio's shore, also known by its other...
New Orleans, L.A. - Proving you can do just about anything on your cellphone these days, Big Mama Juju, as she is known in her native New Orleans, is the very first person to get arrested in the U.S. for HEXTING. You see, Big Mama Juju has enjoyed a...
Miami, FL - Miami Mayor, Roberto Pinkipants, needed to find a new fireworks display company for their upcoming 4th of July fireworks extravaganza - and they needed it fast! But, of course, the problem is, every company in the business is pretty busy...
Carson, Calif. - Business has never been better for Max Splitski, a divorce lawyer in the Los Angeles area. And his recent surge in clientele has all come from the very same place - the exit door at the IKEA, just down the road from his offices. "...
Livingston, NJ - On Tuesday, infamous New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie, finally announced to America that he will indeed be running for the highest office in the land - and he did it underneath the football goal that was once the site of the bigge...
Dallas, TX - Triple Crown winning horsie, American Pharoah, is reportedly getting a record-setting stud fee of over three million dollars from other mega-rich horse breeders, to jam its giant horse dong into their fillies, in an effort to produce the...
Malone, NY - New York Police shot and killed one of the two escaped murderers from the Clinton Correctional Facility, Richard Matt, on Friday, only a few miles from the Canadian border - which would have surely been the end of the trail for all polic...
Washington, D.C - How do you cap off a Democratic Presidency that seems to have gotten almost nothing done for nearly eight long years? Well, a good way to start is to gather all the whack job liberals you can find after a really gruesome, racially m...
Washington, DC - Disgraced NAACP leader, Rachel Dolezal, who was fired last month for being a secret whitey, didn't take long to get her life heading in a newish direction. It turns out that she quickly found an equally-minded friend in John Boehner,...
Boston, MA - During the formal sentencing phase of Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokar Tsarnaev, a courtroom full of weeping families and victims of the tragedy finally heard from the mass murderer who had shattered their lives, two long years ago. Be...
Chawlstun, South Carolina - Finally, change is a' brewin' in South Carolina this week, in the wake of the tragic slayings which left nine black church-goers dead at the hands of a young white supremacist. Now, feeling the heat for arguably being the...
New York, NY - ABC's hit television show, 'What Would You Do?' has enjoyed years of ratings success by setting up awkward hidden-camera scenes in public, to see how the masses of humanity would react. Usually, the show likes to shed light on bullying...
Washington, DC - 2016 Presidential candidate, Senator Rand Paul, is well known in Washington circles for being able to talk the hind legs off of a donkey, as demonstrated in his ten and a half hour filibuster on the Senate floor this March to protest...
Boston, MA - Rhode Scholars and fellow mathematician dorks around the globe, all agree that Professor John Nash, the Nobel Prize winning math genius, and subject of the Oscar winning film, 'A Beautiful Mind,' should have easily figured out that he w...
Los Angeles, CA - Police Chief for the LAPD, Billy Clubemhard, said that they were nearly done rolling up a massive 500 mile roll of 'POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS' tape, for when Los Angeles inevitably becomes a giant cesspool of squalor so uninhabitab...
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