Dallas, TX - Triple Crown winning horsie, American Pharoah, is reportedly getting a record-setting stud fee of over three million dollars from other mega-rich horse breeders, to jam its giant horse dong into their fillies, in an effort to produce the next racing legend. But now, its reported that American Pharoah's jockey, Victor Espinoza, is also getting paid by female horse-racing fans, to do likewise!
We caught up with the four-foot-tall horse whipper, as he climbed into his pearly Escalade and headed off to another bang session, this time with the Pillsbury Baking heiress. "Yeah, it's a pretty easy way to make five hundred bucks!" told Espinoza, who admits that he's been very busy in the weeks following the Triple Crown victory. "Every rich woman with a passion for horse racing wants a tiny taste of my prize-winning sauce! he added, adjusting himself into driving position atop a stack of phone books. "Can you please do my seatbelt up for me? Thanks."
But, this reporter couldn't help but notice that Espinoza's groin-lump didn't look as small as one might think, and we asked for an explanation.
"Oh, I wish!" replied the fired-up jockey, stretching for the ignition. "That's just an icy-hot pack, held in place by a little boy's jock strap," he explained, seeming agitated by the question. "Don't you think i'd be charging more than five hundred bucks if my wiener was that big? I could get at least seven to eight hundred, if I had a trouser snake that size! And please don't go comparing my balls to Secretariat's jockey in your article. There is no way to confirm that Secretariat's rider had a dick as big as they say he did - and i'm tired of being held up to that standard. Yes, I can ride a horse very fast without falling off. And yes, the ladies all seem to have a very hard time staying on top of me! Hey! Stop laughing. Quit judging me - I can tell you're judging me!"
With that, Espinoza fired up his giant truck-car and revved the holy living piss out the engine, pealing out of the stables where he is kept, in a fury of dirt and gravel, while whipping the shit out of the pearly paint work under his air-brushed insignia on the driver's door with his riding crop, as he sped away to his next five hundred dollar rendezvous.