A Brooklyn man wants a million dollars for every year the state did not lock him up in prison. Dean Dork, who spent almost a quarter-century at liberty and free after being found not guilty for a crime he committed, has hit the state with a $25 m...
Describing it as 'bound to happen sooner or later' male dog walkers acknowledged Saturday that they shall all, at some point or another, discover a murder victim buried deep in the woods where they walk their dogs. Dog owners of all ages across th...
Police have rounded up several angry chickens, following the discovery of the badly-tattered body of an elderly woman last week. After forensic investigations, Detective Inspector Ivor Nyedeer reckoned that 81-year-old Gladys Sawloaver had been th...
TAMPA BAY, FL. - A Caucasian man was found guilty of three counts of attempted murder for the fatal shooting of an African-American teenager over loud music, but a mistrial was declared after the all-black jury broke out their boom-boxes and started...
There has been an outcry tonight after an 18 month old giraffe, the product of incest behind zoo bars, was put down with a bolt gun before being chopped up and sent to charity kitchens feeding vagrants and other homeless people. Young Marius had b...
Already demonstrating his ruthlessness by executing both his uncle and his one-time mistress, not to mention numerous other North Koreans who have incurred his displeasure but could Kim Jong Un, the country's new dictator, have purged even his own wi...
DRESDEN, Germany - A cannibal cop arrested for the killing of a man he met online is blaming his crime on the fact that he ate horse meat lasagna purchased and eaten last year and claims it gave him mad cow disease. A representative from Findus,...
The Federal Communications Commission today took long-overdue steps to ensure that long-distance rates made by convicted felons are just, reasonable and fair. Studies have determined that law-abiding taxpayers will pick up the cost. The Commis...
Most celebrities, most of the time, have nothing important or interesting to say, but, because they are famous (and rich), their every word is reported to the world. Unfortunately, they are usually misquoted, because their words are taken out of context, or so they say, and, when they are not being misquoted, they are misspeaking. No matter what they do or say, they claim that they are seldom, if...
Harrowdown Hill, The Valley of Death Police Area: Nothing to hide? Nothing to fear? Why seventy years secrecy? No fingerprints on the knife, blister packs of tablets, opened water bottle, specs, watch and mobile phone found with the body of Dr K...
Apparently Drake took Amanda Byne up on her offer to murder her vagina. People have come to this conclusion because Amanda was spotted in Times Square and it looks like Drake must have really worked her over because she covered her head up with a...
Emily Harrison, Britain's oldest woman has contacted police, afraid for her life. "She believes that Maggie Davies of Kings Close in Dorking is gunning for her, in order to take the title of oldest woman in Britain for herself," said Detective Ins...
Mel Greig and Michael Christian, the two DJs at the centre of the Kate Middleton prank-call controversy, have died in apparently unrelated accidents while undergoing surgery at the same hospital in Sydney. Greig, 30, who had been admitted to St.Vi...
Law enforcement has finally identified the anonymous canine that was involved in the bizarre bestiality-homicide case that has rocked the underpinnings of British high society. It was only a few short weeks ago that Scotland Yard arrested the proc...
NEVADA STATE PENETENTARY (ABSNN) - O. J. Simpson is offering to sell the knife that was used to slay his wife, Nicole, and her friend Ron Goldman, for the sum of $5 million. Guards at NSP immediately tossed his cell but found nothing other than a ba...
The running of the shrews Every Wednesday the newspaper prints the local supermarket insert with all the coupons and "two-fers." If you are a man and you need groceries, don't go to the market on Wednesday. You will surely suffer a misadventure; you might even die! I know that in this economy people are looking for ways to save a nickel. Coupon clipping adds a few pennies to the weekly fo...
A man who was convicted of a brutal murder twenty-five years ago was released today and he has vowed to clear his name. Mr John Ripper believes a combination of his surname, his "haunting eyes" and his inability to pronounce his "Hs" had convinced pe...
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