Hamilton - (X-Files): The Queen has arrived on the last leg of a worldwide euthanasia trip at Bermuda's famous Triangle self-help facility. Along with four relocated ex-Guantanamo inmates HM will see in Thanksgiving with a classic televised predes...
London - (Grassy Moll): It's looking bleak forty-six years on after her executive order took out President John F Kennedy. Even the world's most protracted cover-up campaign has failed to rub out the uncomfortable details of that perfidity. "El...
Friends of the Queen have revealed she knows she's being spied on by Russia. She's known this for quite a while now. Her suspicions were first aroused two years ago when she noticed a cameraman in her garden hiding behind a tree. These suspicions...
Windsor - (Barking): Seventeen years after IRA arsonists ravaged Windsor Castle the Queen's 62nd wedding anniversary is looking bleak. A poor showing at Wednesday's State Opening of Parliament triggered an immediate booking at Slough crematorium.
London - (Just Desserts): Plans to impeach the royal family for creaming off previously frozen national assets have been put on ice by government security spokesperson Dame Nellie Melba. The Wind-sores were caught milking state benefits after a le...
London - (Armagageddinouttahere!): A wannabe Labour councillor has flamed Hellfire Club predictions that the country's top parasite will drop dead this Wednesday. Romford hopeful Peter White reckons a career forged on leeching taxpayer benefits is...
Christmas time here in the UK is all about the little traditions. Be it watching your child's first school nativity play or decorating your house to within an inch of its structural integrity. One of the many traditions we here in the UK hold dea...
London - (Dead Cert): Following a Mourning Line tipoff an Enniskillen Rangers supporter is in hiding having laid a 250/1 twenty quid punt the Queen's going belly up outside the Cenotaph Sunday. Provisional Flag of Convenience IRA bastards killed 1...
London - (Bonfire of the Insanities): A nasty swastika-shaped rash has appeared on the Queen's bottom after a spell in the Buckingham Palace tanning booth. HM had been topping up her sunkissed arse, er... right royal radience! - ahead of tomorrow'...
This seasons hit for terrifying Halloween costumes is the Ann Coulter Bitch of Horror getup. It comes complete with a long, blond wig, a pretty but sour and bloodless looking mask and a mini skirt like the real Coulter wears to make sure that she get...
London - (Dark Side of the Moonies): "It's the World War I numeorology that's cracking them up," a Hellfire Club bouncer warned today ahead of Monday's 19.14GMT lunation. The cult grandees' secret conclave has been in freefall ever since NASA bomb...
London - (Bye-Bye-Miss-American-Spy): The Astrologer Royal was taken away to the Royal Freak Hospital's Witchfinder General Wing today by the Third Royal Battalion of Men in White Coats. Reporter were told his latest official advice to take arseni...
The European Parliament has decided that the British tradition of execution should be reinstated for Christmas. The Queen will get the pleasure of drawing up a list of all the people who have insulted her over the years, then a panel of judges will d...
Her Majesty the Queen has stamped her seal of approval on AC/DC singer, Brian Johnson's decision to join forces with depleted boyband 'Boyzone'. Buckingham Palace today held a press conference, at which members of the UK media were told to 'shut...
LONDON - On the heels of the successful PBS documentary, "Monarchy - The Royal Family at Work," Buckingham Palace today announced that Queen Elizabeth II's cherished Corgi dogs will star in a documentary of their own, "Big Hearts, Small Bladders - Th...
London - (Ass Mess): "So deep and cavernous that Lord Lucan and Shergar both got sucked in, vanishing without a trace," royal biographer Sir Archie Gusset said at a public inquiry into 'The Disappeared' today. Earlier the panel had heard how an 18...
Following Her Majesty the Queen's disapproval of a recipient of her coveted MBE award - Steven Gerrard - ending up in police cells, and then in court on charges of assault, the head of state of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland took further rev...
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