Hamilton - (X-Files): The Queen has arrived on the last leg of a worldwide euthanasia trip at Bermuda's famous Triangle self-help facility.
Along with four relocated ex-Guantanamo inmates HM will see in Thanksgiving with a classic televised predestination rite.
The Commonwealth-sponsored move follows disappointment earlier in the year when a Swiss clinic bounced her check drawn on a defunct Northern Crock account.
"Basically what's happened is that Commonwealth leaders have clubbed together for a whip-round and come up with the goodies," Bermuda high commissioner Sir Arthur Wet-Gusset explained.
"Should have done it over Suez, of course," Wet-Gusset added, "but atonement for the Susan Boyle fiasco is equally fitting."
The Duke of Edinburgh is 102.