Washington - Cosmic wizardry is at work for Capitol Hill's very own Salvator Mundi skywatch sources claimed today. Thanksgiving sees a brilliant eclipsed new moon with powerful angles to Great Awakener Uranus, a stationary/retrograde Mercury and a...
London - Did 'Eve' really marry 'Satan' in the Garden of Eden on 20 November in the year dot? Potent astrological omens this weekend are hinting at hidden apocalyptic twists on Mayan calendar nutzs' 21 December 2012 prediction rant. And the maj...
London - A stargazers convention has deplored an official 2005 NASA description of Eris as a 'frigid dwarf' and declared it a load of sexist bollox. Astrologers Anonymous sources said today the minature planet has been slandered by an internationa...
London - The restoration of a long lost Leonardo Da Vinci painting shows a 'female' Savior - camouflaged with an androgynous beard - holding a crystal ball and crossing Her fingers as if in anticipation of Judgement Day. Art critics said this week...
London - Snakes-in-the-Wold resident Mrs Dymphna Cockles, MBE, consultant astrologer to the Illuminati, said today she'd witnessed the death star's shadow transiting HM's pallid gob in Australia during a Commonwealth barbie. "All the signs are tha...
London - Astrologers are confident next Monday's feast of Halloween will see the final collapse of the long-running KGB ponzi scam of the Euro. Some reckon a trillion dollar EU bailout attempt is horribly tainted by bad karma going all the way bac...
London - A horrid GlibDem scam to allow Catholics back into the royal fold tonight sees HM vowing to swallow arsenic rather than bow to the latest Popish bollox from Brussels. Just after sunset a mystery comet from the Papal Bull Shit galaxy was s...
London - Bloodsuckers on the government front benches are in defiant mood ahead of Wednesday's pivotal Hunter's - or Blood - Moon. At the Palace of Westmonster the lunation is a traditional vampire feastday associated with stalking real (or someti...
East Anglia - Is there really a satellite homing device implanted into the academic behind the University of East Anglia's global warming scam? NASA sources hinted today that the spent Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite's imminent crash landing m...
New York - Manhattan astrologers reckon the weekend's waxing Pisces full moon opposing the Sun in Virgo, sign of the Harvest Goddess in reap-as-you-have-sown mode, could be apocalyptic. Reports that a NY 10028 message board has been jammed with lo...
London - A silvery sliver of a cirrus cloud filament complete with feathery down-arching end curls blazed a trail at sunset tonight across the waxing Harvest Moon. The dazzling spectacle exactly mirrored the ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead's Win...
New York - The full karmic force of celestial wrath was felt in the United States today just as the Sun entered Virgo, sign of the Harvest and the Reap-As-You-Sow Goddess, at around 1.52 pm local time. Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance was r...
London - Annual domestic grass production has soared in the Capital this year thanks largely to the royal weeding, global warming and Pippa Middleton's arse (WTF?? - Ed). "It was all the eclipses that done it," an astrologically-aligned botanist f...
London - Monday's clash between the Sun and Jupiter promises a massive karmic twist the Agency's Iraq Desk number crunching division warned today. The planets' square angle in 'fixed' signs of Leo and Taurus takes place at 14.41GMT - co-incidental...
Edinburgh - The brilliant Sun/Moon/Venus conjunction in Leo is hardly enough to stave off karma Scots star gazers told Zara Phillips today. The Zodiac sign of kings' triple-whammy celestial fireworks have all the hallmarks of a bolt from the blue...
Wiltshire - As the crumbling Murdoch Empire teeters on collapse a 200ft barley field etching opposite Stonehenge warns of more disaster on Friday's full moon. The magnificent Capricorn lunation appears on the latest crop circle, thought by many t...
London - A rollercoaster ride to the St Swithun's Day Full Moon this Friday could see the media magnate go belly-up just like the Trinity Mirror ex-proprietor. Influential business journal the Hole-in-the-Wall Street Journal sources today question...
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!
