Andy Murray, Great White Hope and Scottish, is slamming aces like a smoking poker player possessed in Australia. He's burning away his opponents just like Sir Jackie Stewart used to and all they can do, is smell his burnt rubber! Only "un poco...
British tennis ace Andy Murray has hit the ground running in the Australian open this week. As always the British sports hero has won his first match, beating Kevin Anderson in straight sets. The win has sent the British press into a frenzy of...
Andy Murray was annihilated by Marin Cilic yesterday in the last 16 of the US Open. During the press conference Murray was very honest about who he blamed for the defeat. "I blame Andy Murray, he's a fuck*ng prick, he kept on putting me off, he di...
Tennis star Andy Murray turned up to play in an amateurs match yesterday at Eastbourne. He heard that injury hit North of Scotland were short of players so Andy turned up to make up the numbers. Despite Andy being there North of Scotland were sti...
Henman's shocking outburst live on air has left many stunned, with Mrs Agnes McSpartanite of the Forth of Firth and Fifth left deeply stunned. She said on local thistle radio this morning "I'm stunned" When we tried to track Henman down this morn...
In breaking news, Andy Murray is God supporters have launched an unprecedented invasion of Michael Jackson's former home, Neverland. The northern Californian property was breached by a human battering ram of some 20 000 rabid Andy Murray fanatics...
Andy Murray has been drafted into the England squad for the first ashes Test at Cardiff later this week. Chairman of selectors Geoff Miller said "I've been a big fan of his for some time now. I like the way he hits the ball. He is difficult to set a...
Today's Wimbledon Mens Singles Final was interrupted briefly by a trio of kilt wearing Scotsman who trespassed onto centre court whilst the final between Roger Federer and Andy Roddick was in motion. The most unusual thing was that the intruders...
With the hope of becoming the first Briton in over 70 years to reach the finals of Wimbledon, the Scottish tennis sensation Andy Murray has got as far as the semi-finals. The 21-year-old Murray was playing American, Andy Roddick for a place in the fi...
Andy Murray, the first Briton for 80 years with any real chance of winning the men's singles championship at Wimbledon, has lost in the semi-finals. And, in a heart-warming gesture, Michael Jackson, the dead King of Pop, has sent a message to the pr...
Scottish Loser Andy Murray was tonight sensationally defeated by a Yankee Imperialist Dog and will not earn a fortune this year at Wimbledon. Unfortunately he ran into trouble in the form of some rabid English Nationalists as he queued for a "99" fro...
A Scotsman lost a tennis match today. He was beaten soundly and can now return to his crofter's cottage north of the border and keep Morag company. We will not see a kilted player on centre court again this year. It is thought that the sporran kept g...
Medical experts today warned that Britain could be facing up to 100,000 cases of Murray fever a day by the weekend. Dr Andi Medix, the Government's Chief Medical Officer, said "People can become quite delusional, especially in the heat. This is simil...
On the 10th aniversary of Scottish devolution, the Scottish parliament, in the presence of the Queen, has officialy anounced that they will quit the UK and become totally autonomous if Andy Murray wins Wimbledon!!! If Andy should "blow it" in typi...
It's more British than eating strawberries and cream, washed down with pints of flat ale, more British than beating Germany in World Wars, and even more British than constantly complaining about the weather. Yes, it's that time of the year again when...
The talented young Scot's manager, his mother, Doris (28) has pulled Murray from the tournament. "After seeing my wee bairn all hot and bothered and being kept up until all hours in that big, hot tent just so Eastenders could go upmarket to BBC2 -...
Andy Murray heroically defeated world ranked 10967 Stanilas Warwinka of Switzerland over five sets (2/6, 6/3, 6/3, 5/7, 6/3) tonight. This was only after the new £80, million roof collapsed narrowly missing spectators and players alike. Rumours a...
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