Like everybody on the Isle of Wight, we are hoping for a White Christmas. We didn't have one last Christmas, but the signs are good that the snow afflicting the mainland will reach us just in time for the festive season. Please note, this is not a...
Winter's had enough of itself; it wants to do something else... nothing drastic or abnormal like be a businessman or an elf it wants to have a crack ... at being something new like spring or autumn, that would be cool and cool is one thing it can do. It's not very sure if summertime is something that he could pull off... and anyway he would only miss the fireworks as well...
Tired of watching six inches of snow outside your house? Wondering how you can survive winter, even though you live in a comfy house with central heating and the works? Are you a naturist? If so, you'll love the Masterchev "Five Things You Need to Survive Winter"! As you may have guessed, there are five things you need to survive the cold breezy nights. 1) A partner of the opposite sex Alwa...
The Siberian Swans who have arrived at Gloucester, prompting fears that we are in for a long, dark winter are already fed up with English weather. As we reported yesterday we spoke to one of the swans - Yuri - who told us he and his mates just wan...
Fears that the early arrival of eight Siberian Swans in Gloucestershire heralds the start of an arctic winter were rubbished today. The migrating birds fly 2,500 miles from Russia every year and according to folklore, their early arrival in the UK...
...up the wall by MPs who are pissed off with not being able to pass their piss up payments on to the tax payer. Emergency cold weather payments to the elderly could be cut from £25 to £8.50 under plans to replace members of parliaments partying p...
It is fall and the waves are getting big, the surfers are stoked, and the dreaded Hawaiian winter is rapidly approaching. Weather predictions are particularly dire for this year where daily highs may only reach 78 Fahrenheit during the dark month of...
A new theory doing the rounds is that senior trades union officials are all born with incurable brain damage. Why else would they wish to be top trades union officials? A very good question. Actually they all have delusions of grandeur, but lack the basic intelligence to make any headway in the world of commerce, hence their lowly stations in life. I cite the sad case of fat John who was forced to...
The UK and continental Europe could be gripped by more frequent cold winters in the future as a result of the "sun fizzling out", say researchers. They identified a link between fewer sunspots on people's skin and kite flying that "blocks" warm, w...
Climatologists studying climate change have reported that the winter of 2009-2010 in Canada has been the coldest on record. One Canadian scientist said "it was so cold you could freeze the balls off a pawn shop!" A reporter from Montreal's daily...
The IPCC have declared the winter of 2009/2010 the warmest ever this year. "Our records go back 14 million years," Mr Pachauri, chair of the IPCC, said recently. "We're scientists and we know, so there." Asked about the recent heavy snow storms an...
Gordon Brown today announced that as of next Monday morning everyone in the UK should stay in bed under their nice warm duvets until the temperatures begin to climb higher than the single figures they have been since the summer of 2009. It's been...
Consternation and widespread anxiety in the UK today as the big freeze showed no sign of abating. As roads closed, airports struggled, and the rail network slowly shut down, the terrible reality of the big freeze dawned on the plucky Brits, who had h...
The small village of Loxton in Somerset has today released plans to have winter all year round in a headstrong attempt to keep the dreaded Harlequin Ladybird off there streets and away from the folds in there curtains. The Harlequin comes form As...
(Washington DC) Authorities are expecting millions of loyal supporters to show for Obama at the inauguration next week. Authorities are also expecting millions of frost bite cases to plague the festivities. Temperatures are forecast to be in the t...
Saturday's Premiership clash between Pompey and Manchester City was abandoned when referee Mike Dean visited Frampton Park ahead of the game and discovered a tribe of Inuit living on the pitch. The Inuit normally live in Alaska, but had chosen to...
After Slovenia set a low record temperature of -49C this past weekend, Slovenia Media have reported recommendations of the meteorological institute of Germany, which says that body piercings could cause people who venture outside in very cold weather...
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