Fast Food Shortages Spread As Big Freeze Bites

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Thursday, 7 January 2010

image for Fast Food Shortages Spread As Big Freeze Bites
The Last Supper,

Consternation and widespread anxiety in the UK today as the big freeze showed no sign of abating. As roads closed, airports struggled, and the rail network slowly shut down, the terrible reality of the big freeze dawned on the plucky Brits, who had hitherto coped with the snow with smiles and good natured resignation.

Britain's fast food network started to shut down. Initially, the warning signs were largely ignored, as stores ran out of milk stocks and newspapers failed to arrive. But then the fast food crisis really started to kick in.

The first casualties were the traditional fish and chip shops, as salt supplies were diverted to local authorities so that it could be scattered on the snow bound roads.

"Can't have fish and chips without salt," Sam Haddock, chippy propritor from Oldham told us. "We tried to soldier on but then we had to submit in the end."

Next to go were the kebab shops and pizza joints. Kebab shop proprietor Ali Bullo, of Hampshire told us:

"Nobody coming. Too dangerous and slippy. No parking innit. Bladdy ice everywhere. People staying home innit an' cooking proper food from fridge and freezer."

Chinese and Indian food outlets also felt the pinch as stiff-upper-lip Brits got by on canned soup and custard.

Even the giants weren't immune, Macky Dees and Burger Kong closed down in many locations, despite the offer of bargain meal packages and free plastic toys.

"It's just not happening," Kansas Fried Chicken CEO of UK Operations, Morton Swindler told us. "God damn Limeys. First sign of a little snow and the bastards hibernate. I don't see much of the Dunkirk spirit going on here. It's a good job these Limey fags don't live in Alaska."

The fast food shortage is expected to last until the snow melts.

More when the snow melts.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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