Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson completed his first signing in what is being looked upon as an extensive restructuring programme, when he secured a four year contract for out of contract midfielder Joe Cole. Insiders say that the new kop boss has set h...
Cheryl Cole might have thought she had been through a lot lately, but the bout of malaria she contracted during her African Safari paled into insignificance yesterday, after her hair fell out. Cole, who was in Tanzania when she was bitten by a mal...
Insiders have just revealed that Cheryl Cole (Tweedy) is all set to jet off to Tanzania once she has sufficiently recovered from malaria, for a short convalescence period. Simon Cowell is reported to be furious that Chezza has derelicted (sic) her...
Geordie lass turned good, Cheryl Cole has been revealed as a former partner of madman Raoul Moat. Information from an exclusive source has confirmed that reports of her recent "illness" due to "malaria" was a rouse to protect her from the madmans mu...
Polyfilla-pumped glamour-girl Jordan whose man-made mammaries have wowed and KO'd UK wankers for donkey's years, is a fearsome piece of made-in-a-fame-factory kit indeed, writes Bernie Bovine, Shit-Shovelling Correspondent. Jordan, who is also kno...
London - (Ass Mess): Holed up in the Royal Freak Hospital's Dildo - er...Lindo! - Wing the Girls Aloud singer has stunned medical science. Some of her pustulating bed sores erupted last night staining the sterilised hosptial sheeting with a myste...
It seems that while she languishes in her £3,000 per hour private hospital bed fighting off a bad attack of 'Hough Malaria' Cheryl Tweedy keeps drifting in and out of conciousness. During these restless periods she has been heard to moan erotically,...
Doctors are pleased to announce that Cheryl is making a speedy recovery. She started talkng a load of old bolox in the early hours of the morning. At one time, during the day, Doctors thought they might lose her when she started talking about Quan...
Cheryl Tweedy was making a speedy recovery from Malaria. She was sitting up talking her usual inane bolox when suddenly, she started to talk about Quantum Physics. Doctors rushed to her bedside and began slapping her face as hard as they could in...
LONDON - Derek Hough, boyfriend of Cheryl Cole, gave her a bit of good news when he informed her in her hospital room that he has been told by the government of Tanzania that the mosquito which stung Ms. Cole has been found and squashed by a leader o...
After joking that if Cheryl Cole died, she would have a big funeral, Edward Grimes apologized before a group of reporters today. "I simply blabbed something that came into my head. That was stupid", stated Edward Grimes. "I apologize for saying su...
London - (Quinine News): Reptops are preparing the nation for the very worst. Worse than Germany 4 England 1. More excruciating than Nadal 6-4 7-6 6-4 against Murray. But... way more telegenic than some daftass Spain-fellating psychic octopus!...
Sharp eyed reporter Nick Robinson has shrugged off reports that he is comforting media star Cheryl Cole in her recovery from malaria. Flicking an ant away that had descended to within 5 metres of Mr Robinson's aunt, who was in turn 10 metres away...
Even their best fans are asking that Edward Grimes apologize to Cheryl Cole and her family over still another awkward comment from the twins. Yesterday, after Edward left the hospital with his twin after falling off the stage last week and sufferi...
After a press release that Cheryl Cole's recent collapse was from a case of Malaria, no one is saying much. In fact, the latest report is that it is THOUGHT to be Malaria! The 27-year-old X Factor judge and Girls Aloud star was admitted to hospita...
LEGENDARY French fashion house Eaves San Loren has launched its new Autumn collection inspired by Geordie dancer Cheryl Cole's brush with deadly Malaria. Cole, twenty-something, collapsed in a TV studio yesterday following a trip to somewhere dodg...
Cheryl thingy, went out today with her Ma and Sister Laria. How exciting is that?! There's all sorts going on in the world, and this twit has front page news cos she goes shopping with her mum and sister! Whats the world coming to? When a minor celebrity stick insect is more important than the fukin lunatic thats on the loose threatening to kill every copper in the country! It's not as if sh...
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