London - (Quinine News): Reptops are preparing the nation for the very worst.
Worse than Germany 4 England 1. More excruciating than Nadal 6-4 7-6 6-4 against Murray. But... way more telegenic than some daftass Spain-fellating psychic octopus!
The hastily cobbled together script has rejected a classic Jade Goody scenario, however.
"Cheryl the diva is a heroine of tragic operatic proportions," a Daily Smearer editorial commented today.
"Think consumption-ridden Mimi in La Bohème or Violetta in La Traviata."
Ms Cole is bedbound at London's Hospital for Tropical Diseases where pesky bedsores are her least worry as industrial strength quinine doses rampage through her body.
This weekend ex-husband Ashley is flying in to see her as the hospital chaplain prepares a traditional Last Frights ceremony.
Sunday's 19.40GMT solar eclipse clashes with Half Time in the World Cup Spain v Germany final.
