England boss Fabio Capello remained in typically defiant mood last night following a NARROW 4-1 defeat at the hands of arch enemies Germany. Adopted Englishman Capello insisted, through an interpreter, "Our brave Tommies overcame the evils of Naz...
The FA today summoned all players and staff who went on England's disastrous 2010 World Cup jaunt to South Africa to a meeting at Lancaster Gate, where 'remedial action' for their poor performances was on the agenda. It was decided that: "the play...
Due to a shortage of cannon fodder, the Ministry of Defence have decide to take the unusual step of conscripting the ex England squad, as it is felt that they could serve their country better, for the amount of money they get, on the front line.
Real Madrid and Portugese winger Cristiano Ronaldo insists 'Lionel Messi is the most overrated player ever to grace a football pitch.' The Portugese superstar believes he is better, and has apparent hard evidence to back this up. "Just take a l...
Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has yet again shocked the world by making which some call the shrewdest of shrewd buying. He has picked up Emile Heskey at an extremely low price of 23 million pounds. "I am very happy to be at a club th...
Manchester United superstar right back sensation Gary Neville has issues a plea for the world to stop hating him. "Yes I know I've been a cunt, but that's all in the past. I'm a completely changed man," Neville was interviewed earlier this week. "...
"Those stupid things were so loud we couldn't concentrate", stated Goalkeeper Robert Green yelling at the top of his lungs. "I still can't hear shit!" That's probably a good thing because most of England's fans had some choice words for him for bl...
Britain's beleaguered, nay, reviled, Football Manager, Fabio Capello, saying "I'm not done yet, Mates," revealed he would be hanging around for two more years and promised a major shakeup in the Three Lion's starting squad. Fabio, speaking throu...
After England's display of poor quality football in South Africa, FIFA are to introduce some new rules. From now on the coach should be a National from the country which the team represents and also each player (who plays for the national team) should not play in any other country for their entire football playing career. This would instil a higher degree of patriotism. FIFA have noted that a m...
Mick Jagger was up in arms, with millions of others, as he watched England's 2nd goal against Germany, hit the ground OVER the white line and then bounce back out. All those who watched the replay were equally shocked as the goal was momentarily...
Wayne Rooney has been caught having an angry nipper tantrum in the privacy of his bedroom in Merseyside, England. The England squad returned to their country a day ago, after being thrashed 4-1 by Germany in the last 16 of the World Cup. Wayne Roo...
Liverpool chairman Martin Broughton has shocked the world with his bizarre decision to elect ex-Hull boss Ian Dowie the managerial position at Liverpool Football Club. "There were not many candidates available," Broughton said in an interview. "It...
England manager, Fabio Capello, has declared that the reason England were so terrible at the World Cup was because the players were tired. This excuse has as much impact as when I used it at school or at work to explain away poor performances.
Inchcock Chambers, decrepit unpaid reporter, has discovered half a page of some minutes of a meeting, to discuss proposals for the future development of the England team, in a bin near Alcaster Gate. Here are the details: In attendance: Chairman: Rogered Burden - Vice-chairman: Barry Notbright -General Secretary: Alex Gothehorn - Members: D Gilt (Man Utd) - Roger Burdened (Gloucestershire FA)...
Disgraced England Captain, Steven Gerrard, also of Liverpool, arrived back into England this morning to a hostile reception. Clamouring fans were demanding explanations not excuses from the captain and the manager, Fabio Capello. They were disappo...
England's laughing cavalier duo, Ashley Cole and Ledley King have been sensationally linked with a move to Bayern Munich. Which may go some way towards explaining England's dire World Cup performances. Sources report that Cole and King had been...
The England football team players packed their shirts, shorts and dirty underwear into their sporty-looking holdalls this morning after their World Cup exit at the hands of Germany, unaware that a new storm of protest was gathering. The team, beat...
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