Disgraced England Captain, Steven Gerrard, also of Liverpool, arrived back into England this morning to a hostile reception. Clamouring fans were demanding explanations not excuses from the captain and the manager, Fabio Capello.
They were disappointed, with airport security ushering the team through the Madonna Door, a special back door installed at Heathrow to allow Madonna to come and go as she pleases.
However, with the howling of the press and fans alike demanding an apology, Steven "Stevie" Gerrard broke away from the main group of players to face the music and prove that he shoulders at least one of the roles of team captain.
Under the glare of the world's media, Gerrard coughed nervously into his microphone.
"I feel I need to give an apology on behalf of the England squad," said Gerrard.
After the cacophony had died down, Gerrard continued.
"So I would just like to say I would really like to apologise that there will be no apology for the performance. We feel that there's nothing to apologise for, and for that I'm really sorry. I'd also like to apologise that Fabio is not here to give you the apology for not giving an apology, but he has had to go to see the FA and apologise for not giving an apology to them."
At that Gerrard got from his chair and hurried after the rest of the team before the coach set off without him, something many wished would have happened going to the World Cup.