Alan Turing was the greatest computer scientist ever born in Britain. He laid the foundations of computing, helped break the Nazi Enigma code and told us how to tell whether a machine could think. He was prosecuted as a homosexual, chemically cas...
London - Elizabeth Morton of Duck Pound had just parked her car when a loud voice called out to her, "You call that a dress dearie? Good God, it makes you look so fat!" Turning around she saw the voice belonged a teenage female Neanderthal seat...
It is with great regret that we have to report that the England ladies football team today succumbed to defeat at the hands of the Germans, in Helsinki, Finland by a 6-2 margin. In the final of the European Ladies Football championship. The Eng...
Shock, horror, England can win and have shaken off their sickness announced by renowned medical expert and mega-Quack, Jaggedone after Andy Murray bottled at Wimbledon! Loseritis is the disease which, has afflicted English football teams since 196...
Unemployable idiot, Rodney Pole has been urging the England football team to play in a 6-6-4 formation to be in with any chance of landing the 2010 World Cup. We did point out to Pole that 6-6-4, including the goalie, would make a team total of 17...
After the Netherlands beat England at that most English of sports, cricket, and as English sportsmen are about to lose The Ashes, Wimbledon, World Cup qualifiers, and probably even the Oxbridge and Camford Boat Race this year, a new sporting tactic a...
When God created world, he was happy. But when he created Eve or Eva, all hell broke on earth. As the famous or the infamous saying goes, its more and more believed in the modern days of sport. The most recent been the sports of cricket. Cricket i...
A body today came forward in South-east England, to claim the severed head that had been found in a field there. Mr L Party, aged 108, told reporters: 'The head, with the brain, is what really makes someone who they are, without my head I had just...
Prime Minister Gordon Brown today made the ridiculous claim that England is not ruled by Scotland. 'It's ruled by Pakistan and Brussels! Sorry, only joking. No, England is ruled by the English, honestly, it is. When English football fans stopped f...
Standards of England's sportsmen have fallen so low that the USA yesterday defeated England at football and cricket, and on the same day, and with the same players. 'It was easy', American fast bowler Ellington Duke said, 'we had them all out by l...
England has been put up for sale. Its current owners Liz and Phil are planning to retire to Greece and have decided to cash in. They did have an option of leaving England to their children to run, but the current economic crisis has made that unlikel...
In a move indicative of a widening gap between Scottish and English law, the British Government today introduced a law which bans Irn Bru from sale in England. Ministers point out that if Scotland can take unilateral decisions along these lines, the...
The British parliament last night passed the bill to become the 51st state of the United States of America. Gordon Brown, the British PM, hasn't yet been able to deliver an official address to the nation/state because he has been busy receiving congr...
Explorers today announced they'd discovered a new nation in England, and decided to call it Montgomeryland. The nation lies near the English capital of London, and its people - the indigenous tribe of Colins - are unique in that part of the world,...
In order to settle, once and for all, the dispute over England's controversial win in the 1966 World Cup final over Germany, the game is to be replayed. FIFA, the world football association, has got cheesed off with the constant bickering over Geo...
As residents of quiet Bumbleton wake up this morning, little do they realise the potential danger they are in. Although in a remote part of Southern England, and far removed from any flight path, the Mayor of Bumbleton, Jeremy Pizzle admitted und...
Embarrassment and humiliation are not words we are normally accustomed to using where English sports teams are concerned, but this weekend they were the only words appropriate when describing the horrific shows put on by the England cricket and rugby...
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